Wellspring Issue #70 by The Wellspring

NOVEMBER 2021 // KISLEV 5782 // ISSUE 70

THE HEALTH MAGAZINE FOR THE JEWISH FAMILY

Emerging from My Darkness

Sinuses Acting Up Again? Everything you need to know about sinusitis and its treatment

6 women speak of their struggle— and victory—with depression

Is It Really ADHD?

Exclusive contribution by

Zahava List of Chazkeinu

How Avigail Gimpel helps parents of diagnosed children turn their lives around

Build-A-Burger Fabulous concept for bringing fun and flavor to your family party

Experimenting with Beans, Seeds, and Lentils

Skewers for Days Who can say no to food on a stick?

Libby’s sprouting adventures—and the health benefits of the process

Before You Binge

My Table

Shira Savit’s guide for when you see that donut spree coming

That Shining Light 6 tips for modeling a healthy relationship with food

To Be a

Lamplighter When and how to dispense health-related advice that will spark gratitude and hope

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How do you incorporate your favorite oil in your cooking?

Miracle Nation The Chanukah candles remind us of our logicdefying essence

Why Am I So Constipated? DIY Naturally scented hand cream

Tamar Feldman on the topic

ehT boss's edis

Shmuly’s father manages our day-to-day. But he hasn’t really been here in days.

s CFO, Chaim is my right arm. He oversees accounting, plans and projects, and has never led our

company astray. I’m indebted to him for the years that he’s carried our company through both good and bad times. But his son’s diagnosis changed everything. Now, he stumbles in at different times for weeks, offering silence and strained smiles. His beard turned white overnight, and his work suffers–one of his subordinates quietly pointed out potentially disastrous errors in his projections. We used to schmooze during shul. But after witnessing his tear-streaked shemonah esreis, I don’t know what to say anymore. So I stay quiet. It’s my sacrifice–supporting a broken family. I know he would do the same for me.

WELLSPRING / NOVEMBER 2021

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uch of this advice can be applied to most scenarios when we have a neighbor, friend or someone in our community going through this type of situation.

When you happen to see the parents don’t ask, “ How’s he doing?” Better to say something such as, “You’re in our thoughts and prayers.” This way the parent doesn’t feel forced to give you a medical recap. If you want to help, make a specific suggestion, such as, “I’d like to take care of the kids’ carpool” or “We’ve got supper covered for the next two weeks” But do not push. Respect their privacy and boundaries and consider approaching another day, with another offer to help. Be a good listener and allow the parents (or children) to share whatever they’re comfortable with, but avoid a number of don’ts: TIP #1 Don’t offer a pep talk or a motivational speech. TIP #2 Don’t begin with “you think you’ve got problems?!?” or “Yikes, that stinks” or “Gam zu letovah—it’s all for the best.” TIP #3 Don’t say things like “don’t worry, everything will be fine” or “you worry too much.” TIP #4 Don’t tell them about the importance of perspective or offer a sure-fire procedure or segulah. Sometimes there is nothing more to do than to daven and to do mitzvos in the z’chus for a speedy refuah. But whatever you choose to do, it’s always good to remind ourselves of our own blessings and for all that we are grateful for.

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EDITOR'S NOTE

Just Me and the Candles

ast issue’s Wellbeing feature—6 tips for enhanced emotional health—garnered significant feedback. Many of the letters we received focused on the one suggestion that is probably most challenging to employ in the fast-paced rhythm that is our life today: Alone Time. Taking the time on a daily basis to be with oneself, putting all distractions aside and simply focusing on the waves and ripples of our inner world, can do wonders for our spirit. “But how can I do this?” some readers wanted to know. They understand the merit in the practice and appreciate its impact on overall wellbeing, but they still find it hard to just be with themselves. Others, such as the woman whose letter was published in Springboard, contributed to the conversation by contemplating the main reasons we may find sitting with ourselves to be so arduous: “In this fast-paced world we’re living in, where accomplishments and crossing off to-do lists have become the goal of the day and there is no dearth of distractions to keep our minds buzzing all day (and night!) long, [allocating daily alone time is] the greatest gift we can give ourselves.” For many of us, being alone with our thoughts and emotions for too long (some estimate that to be two minutes), elicits a feeling of boredom, of “Okay, what now?” (I experienced a proud moment a short while back when, in an informal conversation around the supper table, I asked the kids what they like to do when they’re bored. One of them said, “Why can’t I just be bored?

WELLSPRING / NOVEMBER 2021

I like to relax on the couch on my own.”) Like the women the letter writer mentions who found it too “boring” to lounge in the convalescent home postbirth, this common phenomenon plagues many. If I don’t do, do, do, who am I at all? What am I worth? It’s a tough place to be in, one that can feel highly uncomfortable and stifling.

know that place. And what I’ve found in my own life and from what others have shared with me, being “bored” when we’re alone with ourselves, or feeling edgy or uncomfortable when there’s nothing to distract us (such as when those distractions are off-limits), is not the problem itself—it’s the result of something deeper. Rather than, “How can I do it? Alone time just doesn’t work for me!” we might need to ask ourselves, “Why is this such a challenge?” Perhaps we base too much of our self-worth on accomplishments, a particularly prevalent malady. Or maybe we’re not ready to face other difficult emotions, like loneliness, that surface when the noise around us quiets. Whatever the reason might be, it’s interesting to observe that our challenge with alone time, with being versus doing, usually boils down to an internal versus external battle, which was essentially the war the Chashmonaim waged with the Greeks. It’s the Torah perspective versus Hellenistic culture. The more we live a life focused on the external—accomplishments, the impressions we make, the way we appear to the world—the less we allow ourselves to focus on the internal—our inherent value, our emotional sphere. When we “just” are, there are no tasks we’re checking off. We’re not “going

places.” We just are. And the attention it shines upon our internal world is powerful.

n her excellent feature this month, “Be That Shining Light,” Esti Asher highlights the internal versus external battle in regard to our relationship with food. When we enjoy a positive relationship with food, modeling that for our children, we are more likely to focus on what the foods do for us internally, as opposed to how they’ll impact our external appearance. We tend to our health because we care about our quality of life, because we cherish our inherent value. On Chanukah, our internal world is a place we’re encouraged to get in touch with, especially as women. For thirty minutes after the menorah is lit, we’re obligated to just be. Stop the rat race of life, forget all those tasks that have been keeping you on your toes all day long, and just sit at the flickering lights. Take it all in. This is our opportunity to take full advantage of the being moments Yiddishkeit wisely institutes into our lives—to put our distractions aside and to revel in the presence of ourselves and our families. May we merit feeling the beauty in being, in cherishing our own presence and the presence of our loved ones. Wishing you all a freilichen Chanukah,

WELL-PUT

n a m d e i r F y f Shif That Hakadosh Baruch Hu miraculously infused the capacity for continuity into the candles conveys to us that He is likewise infusing our neshamah with a supernatural ability to keep forging onward.

Rabbi Ezra Friedman

WELLSPRING / KISLEV 5782

CONTENTS

NOVEMBER 2021 KISLEV 5782 ISSUE 70

Springboard

Our next issue will appear on Wednesday, December 15th iy"H.

Spiritual Eating

Torah Wellspring

Health Updates

WELL INFORMED

LIVING WELL

FYI

Fitness

Be the Shining Light

Cup of Tea

The Functional Dietitian

Compass

DIY

IS SHARING ALWAYS CARING?

WELLBEING

By Basya Levy In an informal survey I conducted of close to fifty women, ranging in age from 25 to 55, the passionate responses on when and how to dispense health-related advice shed light on the heated emotions this subject elicits, in both those on the giving end, and, of course, those on the receiving end.

113

SEASONED 12

WELLSPRING / NOVEMBER 2021

Emotional Eating

90 What I Got Through Giving 110 Inner Parenting

FAREWELL 147 Random

96 CRACK OF LIGHT By Shiffy Friedman At a time of year when the flickering candles usher light and warmth into the dark, cold nights, we gain a renewed appreciation of the power of just one crack of light—and for those who trudge in the darkness. What is life like for individuals struggling with clinical depression and from where do they gather the courage to keep seeking the light? Six brave women speak of their bleak moments, and also their personal miracles.

EXPERIMENT THIS MONTH: SPROUTING By Libby Silberman Why would I want to take my lentils or chickpeas or buckwheat or sesame seeds and sprout them? What’s wrong with using them as they are in my soup and sides and challah topping? Because that can make them so much better.

LIVING RIGHT

By Laura Shammah, MS, RDN My 15-year-old son was just diagnosed with non-alcoholic fatty liver disease. In my initial research, I’ve gathered that there’s a lot of hope to keep the disease under control by implementing healthy lifestyle changes (which I’ll admit he could use). What would be the basic guidelines for a liver-friendly diet? Also, can how can I work with my son—at his age—to implement these changes? WELLSPRING / KISLEV 5782

SPRINGBOARD

On PUPPS, Melatonin, Vegetable Intake, and More

Avoiding Baal Tashchis Issue #69: The Doctor Is In, Seasoned

Regarding melatonin as a sleep aid, I’d like to contribute to the conversation. As a grandmother many times over, I once took melatonin to help me sleep. The result was a sleep disturbed by the weirdest dreams imaginable. I did not put two and two together until, a few days later, I chanced upon an article in a reputable childcare magazine positing that children who were given melatonin experienced more nightmares than usual. Something to think about before using what one mother dubbed “the magic sleeping pill.” On another note, the squash chicken 14

WELLSPRING / NOVEMBER 2021

soup looks like a fabulous recipe I look forward to trying. Instead of immediately discarding the chicken bones, however, I would allow them to cool and remove the chicken from the bones before discarding. An average pack of bones yields at least as much chicken as two cutlets. Thanks, S. Weiss

Too Bored

Issue #69: Wellbeing Feature

Thanks for an excellent issue on taking advantage of these routine

days to incorporate healthy habits into our lifestyle. I found the Wellbeing feature on the topic to be just wow. The tip that most resonated with me and I look forward to keep working on is “alone time.” In this fast-paced world we’re living in, where accomplishments and crossing off to-do lists have become the goal of the day and there is no dearth of distractions to keep our minds buzzing all day (and night!) long, it’s the greatest gift we can give ourselves. Having given birth recently, I spent a few days in a convalescent home, relishing the peace and quiet and the time for myself before returning back home to my growing brood, ka”h. One wouldn’t believe how many women

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OF EX

Quick Question

SPRINGBOARD

Question: My eight-month-old baby is beginning to show signs of eczema. I’d like to start her on some solids, but I’m worried that her eczema may worsen. What can I do about that? And can you advise which foods I should start with?

Answer: I would advise you to take your baby for allergy testing to ascertain if she is allergic to any specific foods or allergens that may be causing her eczema. If the testing shows up clear, you will be the one to allergy test your baby, starting with one food at a time. After each food you try, wait 3–4 days to see if any reaction occurs. I would advise you to start with cooked pears (without sugar). Some babies have an intolerance to apples or sweet potatoes. An infant probiotic can be useful to help get rid of the bit of eczema and help her digest the new solids you’ll be adding to her diet If you’re currently nursing, once you determine which foods your baby may be sensitive to, avoid those foods, as well. Common triggers are dairy, nuts, spicy foods, and corn. As an additional precaution, use fragrance-free detergent. To your health, Miriam Schweid, health consultant and kinesiologist

complained of being “bored” there— three of them even left earlier than planned because they just couldn’t fathom passing so much time “doing nothing.” What is it about us today that we find it so hard to just be? Mirelle P.

all felt it was a great place to start. The concise yet thought-provoking piece—and Torah-sourced to boot!— offers so much food for thought and various excellent strategies that can help us become closer to our best selves. We look forward to delving into each one and applying them to our lives.

one of my births and learned that this skin condition is indicative of liver toxins. Only gentle liver cleansers such as freshly squeezed lemon, dandelion root capsules or tea are appropriate at this vulnerable stage. I saw a pronounced improvement within a day of starting the regimen and within a few days it was completely gone.

With much appreciation,

Feel free to reach out to me with any further questions.

P. F.

Thought-Provoking Base

Jackson, NJ

Name withheld upon request

Issue #69: Wellbeing Feature

I’d like to let you know that my neighbors and I will be using last issue’s Wellbeing feature as a springboard for our weekly learning group. We’d been searching for something to base our discussions off and when one of us read that piece and shared it with the group, we 16

WELLSPRING / NOVEMBER 2021

What Worked for My PUPPS Issue #69: Springboard

I’m writing this letter in response to the Care and Share question on PUPPS. I suffered from PUPPS after

An End to Menopause Symptoms Issue #50: Inkwell

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back,

you

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IN 3 RD PRINT ING!

LIVING TEHILLIM

BADERECH

by RIVKA SEGAL with DR. LISA AIKEN

by RAV JUDAH MISCHEL

Adapt each of the mizmorim to your own experiences, and connect to Tehillim like never before!

WOMEN IN TANACH by REBBETZIN LEAH KOHN Edifying and engaging, these extensively researched profiles leave the reader with concepts to ponder and challenges to embrace.

A vital companion for spiritual “travelers” at every stage, yearning to uncover their own path toward teshuvah.

LESSONS LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN by RABBI BORUCH OPPEN A brilliant, all-encompassing educational guide in which teachers and parents will find much-needed insight for educating and raising the future generation.

AN AUDIENCE OF ONE

NURTURE THEIR NATURE

by SARAH SHAPIRO

by RABBI DR. YOSEF LYNN and RABBI JACK COHEN

A fabulous read—reflections on life, love, childhood, parenting, aging, infirmity, relationships, and more.

UP TO GOD by D’VORAH MILLER Find yourself in these relevant, poignant, and sometimes whimsical reflections on the weekly Torah readings and the festivals.

Presents the case for selfknowledge as the key to reaching each individual’s potential.

AMAZING HYPNOTHERAPY TALES by BRACHA PEARL TOPOROWITCH Discover the mind-body connection and the power of the mind for creating change—with sixteen mindblowing true patient accounts.

VISIT US ONLINE AT MOSAICAPRESS.COM Mosaica Press books are available for purchase at MosaicaPress.com and your local Jewish bookshop.

WELLSPRING / KISLEV 5782

Question:

My nursing baby’s weight is on the 25th percentile. What should I do? Should I push solids?

Answer: We Jews are known for answering a question with another question. Well, I’ve got a series of them for you: • What was the percentile at the last measurement? The one before that? • How tall are the parents? • How is the feeding relationship going? Sleep? Bowel movements? • Is baby meeting all expected milestones? We don’t use a single data point to assess a child’s weight, but a series of data points that create a curve. Should you push solids? No. Consider this: 100 grams of breast milk/formula contains 70 calories, 4.4 grams fat, 7 grams carbohydrates, 1 grams protein, and micronutrients. However, 100 grams pureed carrot provides only 40 calories, 0 grams fat, 10 grams carbohydrates, 0.9 grams protein, and micronutrients. Similarly, 100 grams Greek yogurt offers 100 calories, 4 grams fat, 5 grams carbohydrates, 13 grams protein, and micronutrients

Pediatric Nutrition

SPRINGBOARD

an article by Miriam Schweid about nutritional supplements that are helpful to women during menopause and perimenopause. (Why is this issue so rarely addressed, by the way? I’d love to see more on the topic.) At the time, I was very aggravated by hot flashes that were waking me every hour and disturbing me throughout the day. I’m not a big supplement fan, so I decided to follow her other suggestions, namely diet and deep breathing. In merely two weeks of following a diet of no wheat, sweet, and dairy, I started feeling great, baruch Hashem. I thought you’d like to share this with other readers. All the best, Name withheld

Our Latest Dinner Placemats Issue #69: Feature

What a fascinating article—for both kids and their moms! I dutifully clipped the pages with the veggie visuals and laminated them. We now use these pages as placemats at our dinner table, with the kids actually requesting to try the foods listed there. (Ever heard a kid beg for celery?) Many thanks for a fabulous publication. Tova G.

While yogurt may appear to have a good nutrition profile, and is fine as a meal or a snack, it’s too high in protein to be the primary source of nutrition. This could put your baby’s kidneys at risk. Breastmilk and formula contain the nutrition your baby needs for the first year of life, with solids providing iron, zinc, and exposure. If a child isn’t growing as expected, continue with liquid nutrition first. By improving aspects of the feeding relationship, such as location or timing of the meal, we can make sure that a child is getting all nutrients needed for proper growth and health. Health & happiness, Yaffi Lvova, RDN Yaffi Lvova, RDN, is a dietitian and food enjoyment activist who encourages positive nutrition through writing, speaking, and Nap Time Nutrition, her video blog and podcast. Find out more at babybloomnutrition.com.

WELLSPRING / NOVEMBER 2021

South Miami Beach, Florida

Lasting Inspiration Issue #60: Editor’s Note

A while ago, Shiffy Friedman wrote a very insightful, thought-provoking letter about the beauty of daas Torah—how it leaves us feeling safe and secure even in the most turbulent of times. I was very moved by the piece—I’d never thought of the topic from this perspective—and encouraged my husband to read it too. It’s now a few months later and I’d like to share that we’ve since consulted with our rav on many issues we would have otherwise struggled with on our own. I’ve found this to be such a comfort to me, especially with the many questions that have arisen as a result of the COVID-19 presence. I can’t thank you enough for being the good shlichim to opening our eyes to

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Name withheld

Help My Fussy Eater— and Me Issue #69: Cup of Tea

I thoroughly enjoyed Bracha Kopstick’s interview on teaching our kids proper eating habits and helping them enjoy a positive relationship with food. Here’s a question for her: My one-year-old daughter is a very fussy eater. I’ve tried every trick in the book, with no success. An average meal can take as long as one and a half hours! For breakfast every morning, I first try giving her a slice of bread with any spread. After trying to get her to take just a few bites for about a half an hour, I end up giving her pieces of bread in a Greek yogurt, which she does eat. For lunch, she gets a baby jar mixed with baby cereal. For supper, I try giving her chicken with a starch and cooked vegetable, but she doesn’t want any of it. After trying to feed

As someone who recently suffered from the viral rash of shingles, which is extremely painful, I’d like to share what worked for me, as it seems to be common right now. The homeopathic remedy called Shingles was very effective for me and those I recommended it to. It works quickly and is available in health food stores. The remedy is sold with an essential oil that contains myrrh and lavender, which greatly relieves the itching. Both can be used along with medication that your doctor may prescribe for quicker healing and relief. M. F.

her for about half an hour, I end up giving her a yogurt. Any advice to help her broaden her palate to become a good eater would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! R. F. Bracha Kopstick, RDN, responds: I can hear how frustrated and worried you are. Here are some things to consider. Are there any chewing/swallowing issues that may be preventing her from accepting more textures? Often, when meals are taking so long, and especially seeing as she is accepting mostly foods of one simple texture, I’d want to look into that. A speech or occupational therapist can assess this and offer recommendations for addressing and improving texture

acceptance. Is she receiving breast/formula milk? This can go both ways: if she’s coming to meals too hungry, she won’t be open to trying new food, but if she’s too full, she won’t be hungry to eat. Figuring out the “perfect” timing can take time but may be worthwhile looking into. Does anyone eat with her? Babies need to be taught how to eat. Bringing food to the mouth, chewing, etc., doesn’t always come naturally. Eating together allows Baby to see and copy the eating process. Unfortunately, this isn’t the platform to give you a full assessment and personalized advice. I would recommend working with a dietitian or feeding specialist who works with this age.

Get in touch! Wellspring invites readers to submit letters and comments via regular mail or email to info@wellspringmagazine.com. We reserve the right to edit all submissions and will withhold your name upon request. We will honor requests for anonymity, but we cannot consider letters that arrive without contact information.

All the best, Bracha Any health information, advice, or suggestions published here are the opinion of the letter writer and are not independently investigated, endorsed, or validated by Wellspring. Always seek the advice of a qualified health professional or medical practitioner regarding any medical advice, condition, or treatment.

the beauty of consulting with daas Torah and I encourage everyone else who feels that they’re lacking this incredible support system in their life to take steps toward a practice that is not only comforting but also the Torah’s instruction to us.

WELLSPRING / KISLEV 5782

Heart.Works

SPIRITUAL EATING By Rabbi Eli Glaser, CNWC, CWMS

It Might Look Good, But... “May Hashem expand Yafes, and may He dwell in the tents of Sheim” Bereishis (9:27). The prophetic blessings Noach gives his sons provide a profound understanding into the relationship between the philosophies of the descendants of Sheim and Yafes, setting the stage for the conflict during the times of Chanukah.

We, the Yidden, are the progeny of Sheim — Noach’s righteous son who initiated the act of protecting his father’s dignity. At face value, Sheim, which means name, seems to be peculiar name to give a child. “Hey Name, it’s time to go to sleep.” “My son, Name, is a top student.” But name represents identity — a person’s fundamental nature and memorable actions. Adam named all the animals based on their unique qualities. A person’s Lashon Hakodesh name has important ramifications. What comes to mind when we think of someone’s name? Is it their physical appearance? We usually recall their essential character traits and the impression they leave upon us based on the choices they make and the relationship we have with them. The role of the Jewish people is to sanctify Hashem’s name — to identify the intrinsic purpose of creation for all humanity, and to reveal how everything in the world exists only to teach us about Him and to bring us closer to Him. Therein is unity of purpose, unity of function: “Hear Yisrael, Hashem is our G-d, Hashem is One.” The word Yafes means beauty — external appeal. Emphasizing the perfection of physical form and pursuit of immediate desire as ultimate goals in life took root in ancient Greek culture and continues to proliferate today in much of Western society.

To Yafes and his progeny, physical appeal is the end goal. As the descendants of Sheim, however, we know that Hashem created beauty for a purpose. We’re supposed to be attracted to a stunning sunset and the magnificent, multi-hued peacock’s feathers. There is a role for physical beauty in this world — as long as it lives within the tents of Sheim; as long as beauty is a gateway toward connecting to the deeper essence of something, not to be worshipped for just its own sake. The same holds true for our own perceptions of what looks good versus what is good for us. It’s not only about how something looks, but also about how it will affect us internally. The Seforno explains the consequences of eating from the Eitz Hada’as as referring to the capacity to choose what is seemingly attractive [good] even though it is harmful to us, and to discard what is superficially unpleasant [bad] even when it is truly beneficial. Just because a food looks good doesn’t necessarily mean we should eat it. However, if we make a brachah with proper intention, and enjoy the right foods in moderation — in a way that will be good for us — then we have genuinely molded physical pleasure with its spiritual essence. We have truly fulfilled the verse, “May He dwell in the tents of Sheim.”

Rabbi Eli Glaser is the founder and Director of Soveya. He is certified as a Nutrition/Wellness Consultant and Weight Management Specialist, with 25 years of coaching and counseling experience, and is maintaining a 130-pound weight loss for more than 16 years. Soveya has offices in Lakewood and Brooklyn, and works with clients via phone and Skype around the world. For more information or to make an appointment, contact Soveya at 732-578-8800, info@soveya. com, or www.soveya.com.

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TORAH WELLSPRING By Rabbi Ezra Friedman

The Choice is Ours The candles convey a powerful message about the ner Hashem we each possess

On a basic level, the miracle we celebrate on Chanukah is that of the flask of oil that kept burning, persevering for eight whole days. Those miraculous candles kept flickering—one day, then another, then another, astounding a shattered, battle-weary nation and kindling hope in their hearts. 24

WELLSPRING / NOVEMBER 2021

Understood more deeply, every reference to candles in the Torah is a symbolic reference to our soul, as Shlomo Hamelech tells us, “ner Hashem nishmas adam—the candle of Hashem is the neshamah of man” (Mishlei 20:27). That Hakadosh Baruch Hu miraculously infused the capacity for continuity into those candles conveys to us that He is likewise infusing our neshamah with a supernatural ability to keep forging onward. Like those candles, our neshamah is completely unbound by the laws of nature. We have kochos that cannot be understood by science, rules, or logic. Rather, we are infinite be-

ings with the capacity to override all those boundaries. That’s a powerful message that is reinforced for us on Chanukah. The Outliers We live in a world that is governed by structures. For the most part, it’s a world where science, psychology, and quantifiable, evidence-based knowledge are embraced. While we’re grateful for the plethora of information that has become available to us over the past century or so, leading to lengthened lifespans and advancing our quality of life in many ways, there is one domain that is simply not within the bounds of all this knowledge. It’s a domain that can’t and won’t ever be within our scope of understanding—and that’s the nefesh of a Yid. Living in a culture where every possible correlation is duly researched and every occurrence is veraciously traced back to the minutest details of its “natural” cause, we’re at risk of losing sight of this supernatural realm we’re privileged to inhabit. If we look at the nefesh of a Yid from a very logical, research-based perspective, we’re at risk of forgetting the incredible kochos we actually possess. With our ner Hashem, we are the conspicuous outliers in every statistic. We break all barriers, defy all logic. In the mainstream world, researchers and psychological experts invest their all to find a crystal-clear rhyme and reason for every gesture, interaction, or action an individual may engage in, attributing it to neural wiring, chemical imbalance, trauma, or other causes. This information may be supremely helpful in understanding an individual’s past, his motivations, his train of thought, etc., but at the same time it’s important

to know that all of this does not in any way detract from a Yid’s bechirah, his capacity to choose. He has the ability to say no, to disassociate what he experienced from the choice that currently lies before him.

to the mainstream perspective that man is, by default, a human animal, manipulated by beastly desires, automatic mechanisms, and schematic associations, we are privileged to be cognizant of our power of free will.

At any given moment, no matter the circumstances of his past of present, a Yid has the power to choose— and to choose right. (Of course, this does not give us the right to judge others.) Yes, it’s true that various factors may make those decisions more difficult—even arduous—therefore exacerbating the nisayon. Still, this does not detract one iota from a Yid’s ability to withstand any nisayon, no matter what it may be.

To be clear, each of us certainly harbors associations. The traumas that adolescents or adults carry from their past often have severe repercussions on how they perceive themselves and the world—and all of this is very real and could be very painful. We each travel our own unique emotional journey that is meant to bring us closer to our purpose in this world. To put it mildly, denying the vast, powerful world within is not the key to becoming our best selves. However, at the same time as acknowledging our struggles, whether with particular mitzvos, customs, or boundaries, we must also be aware that nothing—nothing in this world—can deny us our ability to harness our bechirah. At any given moment, we are able to say no to that which isn’t good for us—whether for our physical health, emotional health, and especially our spiritual health.

A phenomenon like this can’t possibly be understood by science: If our every deed is a reaction, an automatic result of past experiences or schemas, then how are we able to make a choice? That’s because we are not limited by nature; we operate from the G-dly part within, which is way beyond those finite boundaries. This is a cornerstone of our emunah that no formula can possibly explain— nothing stands in the way of our bechirah; there's no challenge that we can’t withstand. At Every Given Moment This realization can be very sobering. On the one hand, it obligates us to take responsibility: regardless of our life circumstances, we have the power to make choices—every second of the day. The words we utter, the deeds we commit, the company we keep, the way we spend our time—it’s all in our hands. On the other hand, realizing that we, like those flickering candles, are not limited by the boundaries of nature, is deeply inspiring, encouraging, and uplifting. It’s key to our success, both materially and spiritually. Contrary

This realization doesn’t allow for a “way out” of our excuses, but it provides a “way in” to our growth and self-actualization. It tells us, “Yes, you can do this! You have the koach to make the right decision.” At a time when the world believes so little in the human capacity, specifically to overcome struggles—every misdemeanor is justified by a label, thereby excusing negative choices and disregarding the individual’s ability to rise above his challenges—this message is more important than ever. Where We Veer Off According to the laws of nature, much of the scientific

WELLSPRING / KISLEV 5782

TORAH WELLSPRING

and psychological research followed by mainstream belief is accurate. For example, there’s no denying that every choice man makes is governed by his associations. The colors we choose, the place of residence we opt for, the occupation we hold—these are just some examples of decisions we make based solely on our emotional connections and perceptions. Often, for instance, an individual will opt for a particular career because that’s what makes him feel needed, worthy, or successful, though he may provide other intellectually inclined reasons for his decision. Beneath it all is an emotional schema he has been harboring since early childhood, whether he’s cognizant of it or not. All of this is true, but here’s where the nefesh of a Yid veers off the scientific script. We Yidden believe that in addition to our human components—to our physiological and biological makeup—we possess a chelek Eloka mima’al. We are exalted beings with an otherworldly neshamah flickering within that is completely not subservient to nature. It simply doesn’t follow the script. Since time immemorial, we’ve been a people that has defied logic. The story of Chanukah is one episode in our history that cemented that message for us. Mattisyahu Kohen Gadol and his five sons—all weak, amateur warriors—decided to take up an international superpower in battle. However, given the circumstances, did they even have an obligation of hishtadlus? Hardly. According to the laws of nature, their efforts made absolutely no sense. But Mattisyahu was not blinded by all that logic. He didn’t consider the circumstances from a rational perspective. Rather, he looked beyond that. He looked deeper within, into the ner Hashem. He asked himself: Who am I? Am I a physical body, restrained by my human capacities? Am I but a simple mound of flesh and blood? That too, but I also have a neshamah, which has

If our every deed is a reaction, an automatic result of past experiences or schemas, then how are we able to make a choice?

infinite potential to light up the world. And how his initiative took off! From the miracle with the candles, Klal Yisrael derived a message about the incredible kochos that lie within because of our nature-defying soul. “As a Yid,” the Chanukah lights remind us, “you have the koach to wage battles, to emerge triumphant from every war. You can keep flickering, to be that shining spark even when the world around you is permeated

with darkness.” We are a miracle nation, and every time we make a choice that defies the laws of nature, every time we emerge victorious when the odds seem stacked against us, we keep proving that, again and again. May we be zocheh that the neiros of Chanukah should light up our hearts and help us become more aware to our infinite kochos.

Rabbi Ezra Friedman welcomes questions and comments on this column. Please write to rabbiefriedman@wellspringmagazine.com.

WELLSPRING / NOVEMBER 2021

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UPDATES By Esther Retek

Feeling It Out Men are not less emotional than women, study finds Some news updates offer new insight; others simply confirm what our intuition has long been telling us. Then there are those that completely surprise us, altering our lifelong perceptions. Always thought that men are less emotional than women? Time to debunk that myth, based on a new study published by Scientific Reports. “Contrary to widely held gender stereotypes,” the researchers titled their groundbreaking news report, “women are not more emotional than men.” Study author Adriene Beltz, professor at University of Michigan, and his colleagues Alexander Weigard and Amy Loviska, followed 142 men and women over 75 days to learn more about their daily emotions, both positive and negative. The researchers detected fluctuations in emotions in three different ways, and then compared the genders. They 28

WELLSPRING / NOVEMBER 2021

found little to no differences between the men and women, suggesting that men’s emotions fluctuate to the same extent as women’s (although likely for different reasons). The main difference they did notice was the way the emotions were labeled. For instance, a man who experiences emotions during a sporting event is described as “passionate,” but a woman whose emotions fluctuate due to any event, even if provoked, is considered “irrational” and “emotional.” These labels can make all the difference. The findings have some interesting implications beyond everyday life, the researchers note. Women have historically been excluded from research participation in part due to the assumption that their fluctuating emotions will impact experiments. And beyond those implications, isn’t it wonderful to know that humans cannot be stereotyped and categorized so rigidly?

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Watch Your Walk Sleep deprivation may impact you in more ways than you imagined What tasks are challenging for you on the days you lack sleep? (Is that every day?) Do you find it harder to concentrate at work, lack head space to read a magazine, or have no energy to carry on basic household chores?

students were requested to keep in step with the beat as the researchers slowly and subtly raised and lowered the tune’s speed. Meanwhile, cameras captured the students’ walking.

A plethora of studies support the obvious correlation between sleep and efficiency of cognitive tasks such as solving a mathematical problem, multitasking, or even something as simple as reading this article. But here’s the interesting addition: sleep is also the defining factor in many less mentally taxing activities, such as the way we walk.

“Subjects had to synchronize their heel strike to the beat, and we found the errors were larger in people with acute sleep deprivation,” one of the researchers says. “They were off the rhythm, they missed beeps, and were performing, in general, worse.”

A new study, published in Scientific Reports by researchers at MIT and the University of São Paulo in Brazil, reports that walking can indeed be affected by lack of sleep. In their study, the research team enlisted college students as participants. Each student was given a watch to track their activity over 14 days to give the researchers an idea of the duration and timing of their sleep. The students weren’t given any instructions regarding how much or when to sleep, so the researchers could record their natural sleep patterns. On average, each student slept about six hours per night, although some students compensated, catching up on sleep over the two weekends (sound familiar?).

The experiments proved that sleep directly correlates with our control over walking, a task previously assumed to be mindless. The group of students who were awake all night before the test performed very poorly, demonstrating very little gait control. One interesting observation of the study was that those who generally had less-than-ideal sleep during the week but slept in on weekends performed better than those who didn’t. That’s a sliver of hope for those who are lucky to get some extra zzz’s on Shabbos.

On the last day, one group was asked to stay awake all night. This group was designated as the Sleep Acute Deprivation, or SAD, group.

“We find that compensating for sleep could be an important strategy. For instance, for those who are chronically sleep-deprived, like shift workers, clinicians, and some military personnel, if they build in regular sleep compensation, they might have better control over their movements,” says Hermano Krebs, principal research scientist in MIT’s Department of Mechanical Engineering.

The next morning, all students were asked to perform a walking test at the lab. Each student walked on a treadmill set at the same speed, as researchers played a tune. The

Whether or not we mind if our walk is affected by lack of sleep, the study certainly indicates that a lack of sleeps impacts us in more ways than we can imagine.

WELLSPRING / NOVEMBER 2021

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15 in a series

Well Spent

A Precious Commodity—Oil With the inflation of oil prices (among many other basics), this Chanukah staple is fast becoming a precious and expensive commodity in the kitchen, especially if you prefer using more nutrient-dense oils, such as avocado or olive. Here are some ways to save a pretty penny on this liquid gold:

1. Stop estimating. We tend to

pour way more oil than needed, especially when frying. Use measuring spoons/cups to pour oil (especially when the recipe calls for a specific measurement) and take note of how much you use for different foods.

2. When baking foods with oil, instead of drizzling

oil over the pan (which will inevitably use much more oil than needed), combine the spices and oil in a plastic bag and shake the vegetables/potatoes/ chicken etc., in the bag. This will also result in better coating. If you used the oil for vegetables or potatoes, it is perfectly safe to put the bag in the refrigerator (or freezer) to use for another coating.

Store some oil in a squeeze bottle with a small spout to ensure that you don’t pour more than necessary onto salads or other dishes.

4. Contrary to popular belief, fried oil can be reused, when properly stored away. Olive oil is considered safest for reusing. According to the Journal of Agricultural and Food Chemistry, the following is the safe method for storing fried oil:

• After frying, let the oil cool and then filter it through a couple of layers of a fine meshed sieve, such as a coffee filter, or through paper towels. This will remove the leftover fried bits, which can burn when reusing oil.

•

Store the oil in a small container, or in its original container, leaving little room for air. It is not recommended to store oil in metal containers other than stainless steel due to possible chemical reactions.

• Store the oil in a cool, dark place, such as the pantry. •

Label the oil with the date it was used, and what was fried in it. Besides for kashrus concerns, cooking oils retain some

of the flavors of the food. You don’t want to fry churros in chicken-flavored oil.

• 32

Depending on what was fried in it, you can reuse olive oil up to five times. Discard when it becomes dark in color.

WELLSPRING / NOVEMBER 2021

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ALTERNATIVE VIEW

BY FAIGY SCHONFELD

SINUSITIS IF YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW. SINUS HEADACHES ARE ACCOMPANIED BY NONSTOP PRESSURE, PLUS YOUR FACE HURTS, YOUR HEAD HURTS, AND YOUR TEETH HURT TOO. AROUND 35 MILLION AMERICANS ARE ACQUAINTED WITH THIS DISCOMFORT AND AN AVERAGE OF $11 BILLION IN TREATMENT COSTS ARE PAID ANNUALLY IN THE UNITED STATES. WITH WINTER COLD SEASON HERE, SIR SINUS TENDS TO DROP BY AND OVERSTAY HIS WELCOME; HERE ARE SOME NICE WAYS TO TRY TO KEEP HIM AT BAY.

WELLSPRING / NOVEMBER 2021

WHAT IS IT? The sinuses are open pockets lined with mucous membranes, located above and beside the nose. When we breathe in through the nose, the mucus acts as our first line of defense against the pathogens, chemicals, dust, mold, and pollen that are inhaled. The mucus traps them and is then swept up by the cilia toward the throat. The mucus is then swallowed, where stomach acid neutralizes most of the pathogens. But what happens when the sinus tissues become inefficient? The mucus—with all of its trapped loot—remains stuck inside, resulting in congestion and pressure in the sinus and creating a breeding ground for infection. Enter watery eyes, headache, and that insanely annoying runny and itchy nose. Sinusitis can be viral, bacterial, fungal, or a combination; it can last from three weeks to three years, if left untreated. It often comes and goes, but for some, it’s a chronic problem.

STANDARD TREATMENT Many of us reach for Tylenol or Motrin on instinct—and request some antibiotics too. But besides for the side effects that come along with them, a new study, conducted by researchers at the University of Southampton, England, and published in Journal of the American Medical Association, found that antibiotics and steroid nasal sprays offered little or no benefit for individuals with sinus infections. Fortunately, better ways exist to relieve and conquer sinus infections. Like reducing inflammation, for one. And conquering fungus.

TAKE STOCK OF YOUR ENVIRONMENT:

I’M A HEADACHE-Y MESS: WHAT FIRST? Hydrate! One of the reasons sinus cavities become inefficient is a lack of hydration; the body requires adequate fluids to thin the mucus in the sinuses so they can drain properly. Drink 8–10 cups of water every day. Flushing the sinuses with a saline solution can help move the mucus along and reduce swelling. Try this: combine 1 teaspoon (real, not sea) salt and ¼ teaspoon (aluminum-free) baking soda in 16 ounces (distilled or boiled) warm water to make a saline solution. A neti pot can help with sinus irrigation.

Love diffusers in the bathroom and fragrant little packets in your linens? Well, maybe it’s time to stop loving them so much. With homes nowadays full of perfume chemicals, dust, and sometimes mold, the external environment often overburdens the sinuses. You may want to try a good air filtration system, or some indoor plants, to clean up the air a little.

WELLSPRING / KISLEV 5782

ALTERNATIVE VIEW

EAT SMARTER Eat real food, not processed junk. Nutrient-dense foods help fight infection, as well as build the immune system to prevent infections in the first place. These foods include raw, fresh, organic produce, and healthy fats, including omega-3 essential fatty acids, as they reduce inflammation. Chicken soup is good for the soul—and for your nose too. Bone broths are loaded with nutrients and are light on digestion. And they taste so good. Load up on antioxidant-rich foods like blueberries, cherries, artichokes, and pomegranates. Don’t forget your natural vitamin C intake: oranges, lemons, red and green peppers, broccoli, and potatoes. (It’s always a good idea to supplement with large doses of vitamin C, especially with the onset of symptoms; I prefer a buffered form, such as sodium ascorbate.) There’s ginger (available in capsule or tincture form), an anti-inflammatory that can help soothe pain, plus prevent or relieve headaches. And of course, there’s garlic. Several studies suggest that consuming garlic regularly makes you less likely to catch a cold—and those who do recover faster than non-garlic eaters. (The World Health Organization recommends consuming about a clove of fresh garlic every day.) Besides for eating all the right foods, it’s also wise to try and stay away from the bad stuff. That includes sugar—which decreases the white blood cells we need to get rid of infections and feeds viruses and bacteria—as well as artificial colorings, MSG, preservatives, and GMOs. Salt and refined flours and grains should be eaten in moderation as well. They can dehydrate and stimulate more mucus production. Try avoiding allergens. Many people have found that eliminating dairy from their diets puts an end to chronic congestion, sinusitis, and ear infections.

WELLSPRING / NOVEMBER 2021

ESSENTIAL OILS

Harness the therapeutic effects of natural essential oils. Not only are they helpful in relieving headaches, they may also improve blood circulation and boost your immune system. Try eucalyptus, a natural pain reliever, which is anti-inflammatory and helps eliminates viruses. Eucalyptus is very soothing for sore throats, plus it has antiseptic properties that can help shrink swollen tissues in the sinus passages. (This oil should not be used for those with kidney or blood sugar problems.) You can also try coriander, which may reduce the duration and frequency of sinus headaches and aid in recovery. (But use in moderation; too much can aggravate a sinus headache.) Many people love lavender, with its soothing and anti-inflammatory properties. Also anti-inflammatory, peppermint contains menthol, which can help relax muscles and soothe headaches. (Always dilute this; too much peppermint oil may cause hypertension.)

OTHER REMEDIES Colloidal silver is an excellent solution for fighting off infection; it’s useful both taken internally as well as to irrigate the sinus cavities by spraying into nostrils. Grapefruit seed extract is a helpful supplement that can eliminate a sinus infection within just a few days. (Do not take the drops on an empty stomach, especially early in the morning.) Cayenne and pepper tincture, an effective overall cold remedy, helps clear the sinuses, while licorice root reduces inflammation and stimulates the immune system to fight infection. Echinacea, rich in immune-boosting properties, often banishes a cold within a couple of days. Take in tincture or capsule form with increased dosages at the onset of illness and decrease after three or four days. (Do not take if you have an allergy to ragweed.) To thin mucus, drink apple cider vinegar in water throughout the day, take a potassium supplement to help dry it out, or have some warm tea. Drinking peppermint tea (or even inhaling the steam) calms mucus membranes and eases breathing. Lemon balm (as a tea or used as a gargle) is helpful in fighting off viruses and bacteria. Another option is to run a hot shower on the forehead and nose (optimally, several times a day) and then clear all the mucus. Another popular tip to relieve congestion is a quick facial massage, using pressure point activation. Here’s one way to do it: Place one or two fingers between your eyebrows and find the area just above the bridge of your nose, where your forehead connects to the nose. Apply pressure or rub the area for a few minutes.

SINUSITIS STAY-AWAY OTHER

If your sinus issues are chronic, it’s likely that candida or yeast is part of the problem. Either way, chances are your immune system needs a boost. To heal, it’s good to start with a cleanse to help kill off candida and other pathogens, and then work on rebuilding a healthy gut flora. Most important is learning to deal with stress and eating good, healthy food. (In that order, if you ask me!)

Following Dr. Sarno’s method can be helpful in tackling sinusitis. Some report the effectiveness of craniosacral therapy, which focuses on the cranial bones and uses decompression techniques to assist in draining the sinuses. Though individuals may hold passionate opinions, and favored methods may vary greatly, remember that all results come from the very same Source. Behind the essential oils, ginger, and apple cider vinegar, and also the antibiotics, is the Master Healer.

WELLSPRING / KISLEV 5782

FITNESS

Weighing In on Strength Training Free weights versus body weight for resistance

Chaya Tziry Retter, BS, CPT Chaya Tziry Retter is a Monsey-based nutritionist, fitness instructor, and ACE-certified personal trainer. She has a bachelor of science in human nutrition management and is currently pursuing her registered dietitian credential. She is passionate about helping others lead healthier lives in a way that suits their needs. She can be reached at 845-540-4487.

WELLSPRING / NOVEMBER 2021

A key component of any fitness regimen is strength training. Building muscle strength is integral to keeping the body strong and energetic and increasing the basal metabolic rate—the number of calories we burn while resting. The two basic ways to get there involve challenging those muscles using either external weight sources or our own body’s weight. So how do we choose? Well, that answer depends on our goals.

Free Weights If you’re looking to target specific muscle groups and build overall strength, there are many practical applications to that goal. Think about pushing heavy shopping carts, chasing an active toddler, climbing up and down stairs, and lifting a child or grocery bags. Do these activities wipe you out and leave you headed for the couch? If yes, you’re not alone. Those actions require energy, strength, and muscle—and often, we just haven’t yet built up enough endurance to tackle them without needing a break. To help build up your body’s capabilities in this regard, free weights are the way to go. You can target specific areas by doing bicep curls, leg presses, triceps extensions, and more. As you use the heavy weights on the specific muscle group, you provide a weight overload to that area, producing tiny tears in the muscle. These then stimulate repair, resulting in muscle growth, otherwise known as hypertrophy. This type of weight training is intense for the muscle group you’re targeting, but easy on the rest of your body. For example, bicep curls can be done in a sitting position. This can help keep energy levels up, enabling you to complete more exercises. This method is also great for tracking your progress. You can easily mark increased performance by proving your ability to increase the weight of the equipment you’re using. This helps increase motivation by enjoying encouraging results and milestones. It’s important to note, however, that there’s also some more room for injury or pain through incorrect handling of weights or excessively heavy equipment.

Body Weight Think about Olympic gymnasts—they rarely ever use any external weighted equipment to train. Rather, they build up their repertoire of impressive feats through body-weight resistance training and skillfully controlled movements. But you don’t have to aim to get on the stage in order to benefit from this kind of training; body-weight resistance training provides endless benefits for handling the physical demands of everyday life, too. Overall body control, balance, posture, joint health, push-and-pull functions, coordination, general mobility, and flexibility are all increased and developed through body-weight resistance training. Also, injury and pain reduction are a side benefit, since you learn to use the correct muscles to perform tasks at hand, rather than overloading or overcompensating with an incorrect muscle. Another advantage of this method is convenience—you never need to worry about leaving your equipment behind. This enables you to work out anytime, anywhere. You also don’t have to worry about owning free weights and other equipment, which can be expensive and take up lots of space. Body-weight moves involve multiple muscle groups, and using a combination of muscle groups at the same time leads to burning more calories, meaning more weight loss. With these training exercises, you need to complete the heavyweight tasks through lots of movement, even when they’re low impact; think push-ups, sit-ups, squats, and lunges, to name a few. The more movement, the more energy, and the more calories burned, leading to greater fat loss. Body-weight resistance training like calisthenics gets your heart rate up and can be combined into full body workouts, like HIIT (high-intensity interval training). Those work well to combine the benefits of building muscle and endurance, while boosting metabolism and burning calories.

Combining these training methods will help you reap double the rewards and results. You want to make sure to give your body a break and not to overload it, so keep alternating between the two. You can concentrate on items you encounter throughout your day and do some “mini workouts,” too. An example of such a workout would be lifting heavy grocery bags and boxes up into the trunk of the car: remember to bend your knees properly and focus on those biceps and triceps, all the while maintaining a tight core and stiff upper body. Returning books to a high shelf, moving the couch, and cleaning the house with a vacuum cleaner are more examples of daily chores that can double as weight-training opportunities. Look out for activities in your day that you can use as “training sessions,” and enjoy the benefits of a clear to-do list and a leaner, stronger physique.

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She’s your

everything. No artificial growth hormones* * No significant difference has been shown between milk derived from rbST-treated and non-rbST-treated cows.

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ASK THE NUTRITIONIST By Laura Shammah, MS, RDN

Living Right Guidance for Non-Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease My 15-year-old son was recently diagnosed with non-alcoholic fatty liver disease. In my initial research, I’ve gathered that there’s a lot of hope to keep the disease under control by implementing healthy lifestyle changes (which I’ll admit he could use). What would be the basic guidelines for a liver-friendly diet? Also, can how can I work with my son—at his age—to implement these changes?

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ASK THE NUTRITIONIST

First, it’s important to explain what non-alcoholic fatty liver disease (NAFLD) is for the readers who are not familiar with this condition. Fatty liver disease, also called non-alcoholic fatty liver disease, occurs when excess fat is stored in the liver. It’s primarily caused when too much fat (triglycerides) builds up in the liver, mainly due to poor eating habits and lack of physical activity. Fatty liver disease is more common in boys than in girls and can develop in children even younger than 10 years old. According to the American Liver Foundation, 1 in 10 children are affected by this disease and the numbers are on the rise. Because fatty liver disease can lead to lifelong problems, early treatment is important. People are often not aware of the dangers fatty liver can present and may therefore take a lax approach. But that’s far from advisable. For one, fatty liver disease can quickly get worse and cause serious liver damage; in fact, it’s one of the leading diseases necessitating liver transplants. Fatty liver disease also often leads to type 2 diabetes, heart disease, and high blood pressure. Considering that the culprit is usually negative lifestyle habits, there’s a lot to do to reverse the effects. A child with fatty liver needs to be educated as to what this diagnosis means, and how vital changing their habits is for their health. You may want to impress upon your son the significance of a healthy liver, and the innumerable functions this crucial organ executes. For an older, more mature child, knowledge alone can serve as an impetus to change their habits; for a younger or more careless child, external motivation may be needed. The key though is motivation. If a child (or adult!) is not motivated to work on their eating habits, no change or, at best, fleeting change will come about. So, once you have your child on board, what steps can you take? Because obesity is the number one cause, weight loss is the obvious and most effective way to reduce fat, inflammation, fibrosis, or scarring in the liver. As a parent, you can teach your child to make smart choices, choose foods that are good for him, and how to stay away from those that aren’t. You can help him with his journey by reducing the amount of processed foods you bring into your home, preparing healthy dishes, and making healthy snacks more readily available. Get to know the dos and don’ts lists outlined below that are specifically geared toward NAFLD. It is commonly recommended to increase fruit and vegetable intake and eat 42

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Fatty Liver Disease Red Flags What are the symptoms of fatty liver disease? Fatty liver disease is considered a silent disease because it may not cause any symptoms. Therefore, it’s important to take note of any alarming symptoms related to liver malfunction. Here are the most common signs: • Abdominal pain or a feeling of fullness in the upper right side of the abdomen. • Nausea, loss of appetite, or weight loss • Yellowish skin and whites of the eyes (jaundice) • Swollen abdomen and legs (edema) • Extreme tiredness or mental confusion • Weakness

more high-fiber plants such as whole grains and legumes. People have seen great success with milk diets, but you will need to consult with a certified practitioner to help you with that diet. In addition to modifying a diet, there are also general lifestyle changes that are recommended to keep the liver in good health. Getting more active is one of them. Exercise, paired with diet, can help your child lose excess weight and manage his disease. Aim to get at least 30 minutes of aerobic exercise on most days of the week. For a child who’s unmotivated to exercise, joining him for a brisk walk, investing in equipment, getting him a personal trainer, providing him with gym membership, or introducing a new sport are just some tactics to increase motivation. In addition to overall healthy eating, exercise aids in lowering cholesterol, which is crucial. Keep an eye on your son’s saturated fat and sugar intake to help keep his cholesterol and triglyceride levels under control. Of course, all this information also applies to adults with NAFLD. If you were diagnosed with NAFLD, remember that although the disease may not affect you on a daily basis, it’s of utmost importance to take control of your habits and make the necessary changes to keep the condition at bay and support your overall health.

Fatty Liver Disease Checklist Here’s a concise list of dos and don’ts for those who want to keep their NAFLD under control.

Do consume: 1. Fish—the omega-3 found in many fish can help reduce inflammation and fat levels. 2. Olive oil—studies show that olive oil improves liver health and decreases liver fat. 3. Garlic—a superfood for general weight loss and overall health. 4. Green tea—tea, especially green tea, has been proven to protect the liver and fat buildup.

Do not consume (or at least limit intake of): 1. Added sugars—sugary foods such as candy, cookies, sodas, and fruit juices; high blood sugar increases the amount of fat build-up in the liver. 2. Alcohol 3. Added salt 4. Fried food

5. Greens—compounds found in leafy greens such as spinach may help fight fat buildup. 6. Coffee—interestingly, a cup a day has been shown to lower a number of unhealthy liver enzymes.

5. Refined grains—white rice, pasta, white bread, etc. 6. Red meat

7. Oatmeal—whole grains with high fiber content may help reduce triglyceride levels. 8. Walnuts—nuts, and walnuts in particular, were shown to have a great effect on overall liver health. 9. Avocado—helps protect the liver. 10. Milk, low-fat dairy products, and whey protein—milk diets are popular for people with NAFLD. Milk helps protect the liver and reduce unhealthy fat. 11. Sunflower seeds—the high content of vitamin E found in sunflower seeds makes them a great food for the liver. 12. Flaxseeds.

Laura Shammah MS, RDN, has been operating a private practice in New York and New Jersey for over 20 years. Her clientele runs the gamut from people with eating disorders to those dealing with hypertension, high cholesterol, diabetes and cancer. She also helps clients who run in marathons or are looking to lose or gain weight in a healthy way. Her nutritional guidance is published in MaryAnne Cohen’s book Lasagna for Lunch: Declaring Peace With Emotional Eating. Laura can be reached at 718-376-0062 or Laurashammah@aol.com.

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Be That Shining Light 6 tips for modeling a positive relationship with food by Esti Asher, MS, RDN, LD There is something incredibly special and almost tangible in the air during Chanukah. Menorahs on display in windows or outside of homes, tunes of Maoz Tzur and Haneiros Halalu, and of course, many opportunities to celebrate with traditional oily and fried foods. With extra family time and exposure to festive Chanukah foods, now is an excellent opportunity to role model positive eating behaviors and attitudes for our children. As parents, it is important for us to be cognizant that our children watch and internalize our behaviors and attitudes—whether we realize it or not. The way we eat, in addition to the way we speak about food and our body, may have an effect on our children’s food choices and beyond. Below are six tips toward modeling (and maintaining for ourselves!) a positive, healthy attitude toward food and body image.

Regard food as your fuel. It’s imperative for us to understand and relay to our kids that the food we eat is what fuels our body to do what it needs to do. We can take this a step further and explain the specific ways in which different foods help our body. Therefore, because we want our body to work as best as it can, we aim to choose foods that are helpful to our body most of the time.

Watch your words.

Many of us label foods without realizing. However, the ideal is to avoid labeling foods as “good,” “bad,” “junk,” etc. Using strong words may be confusing and harmful for our children (and for us), creating a “black and white” perception of food and our food choices. Instead, aim to use neutral language when referring to foods: “This will give you lots of energy and help you concentrate better.” “This has a lot of sugar, so it’s not good for the body to have too much of it.” Speaking of food in this way will also help instill the message that generally speaking, all foods can fit into a healthy lifestyle. Yes—even that latke and donut!

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Avoid an all-or-nothing mentality. In general, all foods have their place in a healthy and well-balanced diet—for both adults and kids. If we have a list—whether literal or theoretical—of forbidden foods, it will conflict with a healthy, positive, flexible, and inclusive mentality. At the same time, it is valuable for us to be mindful of (and communicate to our children) which foods are helpful to our body, and which foods—if eaten too much—may be harmful. This will help avoid an all-or-nothing mentality and promote balance with our food choices—and balance with our thoughts related to those food choices.

Listen to your body’s cues and verbalize/acknowledge them. Ask your child to do the same. Try to get into the habit of noticing how your body feels. Regarding satiety, do you feel famished, hungry, satisfied, full, or uncomfortably full? Use this awareness to help guide your food choices. When it seems natural, use language to share those feelings with your children. Feel free to say something like, “Wow, that second donut looks delicious, but I’m not hungry anymore, and if I eat more, I might not feel good. I think I’ll set it aside and have some of it tomorrow instead.” Ask your children questions such as, “How does your tummy feel?” “Do you feel full right now?” More importantly, acknowledge, validate, and respect what they tell you. “You’re too full? So then you don’t need to finish your plate. When you get hungry again, you can come back to take some more.” This approach encourages our children to listen to their inner cues, a tool that will come to good use throughout their lives.

Refer to yourself in a kind way, regardless of your food choices. It sounds obvious, but this is something many of us need to work on. Just as we do not want to speak about food as being “good” or “bad,” we also want to avoid referring to ourselves as “good” or “bad” based on our food choices. Eating a piece of cake does not render someone a bad person, and it is important that our children know that. Furthermore, we are not “cheaters” or “cheating” based on the food that we eat.

Pivot from an external focus. A child’s perception of their body, otherwise known as body image, is strongly influenced by what they see modeled by their parents. Try to avoid emphasizing physical appearance (a cornerstone in Hellenistic culture), commenting on weight, speaking negatively about your body, or following a restrictive diet. Each of these examples may have a damaging effect on both yourself and your children.

If you are concerned about your own size, or your child’s size, there are appropriate ways to address those concerns (such as speaking with a dietitian privately). Furthermore, aim to shift the focus from external to internal; one suggestion to achieve this is to recognize and celebrate character traits that you admire in yourself and in your children.

Esti Asher, MS, RDN, LD, offers nutrition counseling services, in addition to a variety of nutrition presentations. “How to Speak with Your Children About Nutrition, Health, and Body Image” is a live webinar presentation for parents offered to schools. If you are interested in learning more about this presentation and how to offer it at your school, or to contact Esti with feedback or inquiries regarding her nutritional services, please email her at esti@estiashernutrition.com or visit estiashernutrition.com.

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Is ShARing Always Caring? By Basya Levy

On dispensing health-related Advice

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You’ve done yoUr dUe reseaRch on the topic or gARnEred extEnsivE personAl expERience in A paRticUlAr heAlth ARea. How vocifeRous should yoU be in sharing thAt sage advice with otheRs? Are you better off keeping All that wisdom to youRself? On giving And receiving health-related advice.

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“You must try this cream—it does wonders!”

“Have you ever done reflexology?”

“Your son’s walk looks odd. You should really check it out.”

“Call this doctor and your issue will be resolved in no time.”

How would you feel if you were the target of one of these advisory statements? Would you ever say any of these or others to a friend? What about family? These hot-button comments can strike a sensitive chord, specifically for women doing their utmost to raise a healthy family. On the one hand, we may appreciate receiving solicited advice on matters that pertain to our own and our family’s health. But there are times when advisory statements rub us the wrong way. Is there an unwritten set of rules for sharing or withholding health-related guidance? In an informal survey I conducted of close to fifty women, ranging in age from 25 to 55, the passionate responses on the topic shed light on the heated emotions this subject elicits, in both those on the giving end, and, of course, those on the receiving end. First, Why Share? Doling out tips to others, especially when you’ve actually practiced the advice, is a gratifying experience. The desire to dispense advice most often emanates from a real place of giving, of wanting to spare others the heartache or disappointment you may have encountered on your own journey. You may find it hard to sit idly by, watching someone struggle with a predicament whose solutions

seem so clear to you, or being pained observing how their choices—or passivity—are harming them or their loved one. That urge to get involved, even in a small way, may be burning within. “As someone who has personally witnessed the extent to which emotional health impacts physical health, having healed various of my own and my kids’ ailments primarily through emotional work, it hurts me so much to watch those I care about struggle with issues they perceive as strictly physical,” Raizy, 35, from Lakewood, shares. “I have this intense urge to let them know about this route, something that too few people are aware about. I just want to tell them, ‘Have you considered looking into the emotional elements that may be impacting your health?’” You may feel inclined to refer someone to the right specialists or medical facilities, especially if you know they risk wasting time and money by heading down the wrong route. You don’t want to be the cause of someone’s unnecessary guilt, worry, and expenditure of their time, energy, and money. Gittel, whose son experienced a serious health issue, asserts, “The only advice I would give without being asked is if the issue at stake was like what I went through with my son: I learned the hard way that going to the default, convenient hospital was just a waste of time. I would definitely recommend they do their testing at facility x, where they do extensive research to get to the bottom of the problem.” Still, like sugar on the food pyramid, words of advice should be given sparingly and with proper forethought and discretion. This is especially true in regard to health, which often involves crossing the controversial lines between conventional and alternative methods of healing. Often, as well, recipients of health advice take the gesture personally. When Does Advice Rub You the Wrong Way? • I feel judged “When we’re on the receiving end of advice, we may find ourselves feeling judged,” asserts Chaya, a Brook-

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lyn-based mother of five. “And when there’s judgment involved, we instinctively jump and get defensive.” So, she thinks I haven’t been doing anything for my daughter’s psoriasis? Am I really such a neglectful mother? Oh. The treatment only costs a thousand dollars. A bargain. Really. Miriam, a mother of a child with special needs, remarks, “Until you’re in someone’s shoes, don’t judge them. You have no idea what they’re going through.” Faigy, a speech-language pathologist in Lakewood, echoes her sentiments. “I will never forget how hurt I felt when I was dealing with a major medical issue and my friend offered overly simplistic advice. Her know-it-all attitude was not appreciated, to put it mildly.”

but you’re also at risk of hurting them emotionally.” • It makes me feel inept Chaya, a deeply caring person who is a fount of health knowledge, has learned the ins and outs of advice-giving based on personal experience. “If the person was just diagnosed, and all the other sensitivity factors are taken into account [see below], there may be a place for giving advice,” she says. “But if the person has been dealing with the issue for a long time, you can be sure they’ve exhausted all avenues available to them based on their knowledge and resources. Giving advice in this case will serve no constructive purpose.” Instead, the listener will probably walk away feeling overwhelmed, inept, and misunderstood. • It might be your preferred method—but it’s not mine

• It’s intrusive When it concerns typical childhood ailments, mothers tend to find it less intrusive when family, friends, or neighbors offer suggestions, whether natural or medical. “When we’re sitting on the park bench or waiting for our kids’ buses, we’ll easily exchange basic advice for dealing with ‘the regular,’” Peri, 30, points out. “I don’t think anyone takes that personally.” But when the health-related concern is of a more sensitive nature, or possibly chronic or serious, even friendly advice will often be rebuffed. That’s because many view such advice as an invasion of privacy and an affront to their respect. • I feel misunderstood Yael, whose son experienced a more serious health issue, shares, “When a family member casually threw a whole list of recommendations in my face, I felt hurt. I had been doing all I could for my ten-year-old, be it physical, occupational, speech therapy, and a lot more. She really meant well, but still—didn’t she realize I was a devoted, responsible mother?” As Frumy states, presumably based on painful past experiences, “People assume you don’t know what you’re doing and give advice. You need a lot of information in order to give advice, to know the full picture to avoid steering others in the wrong direction. When you don’t have the complete background, your advice may not only backfire, 50

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If alternative health is your thing, although you may be offering your wise words out of the goodness of your heart, keep in mind that those who deem conventional medicine more appropriate and legitimate may get annoyed at the mention of alternative healing methods. This may be far from the truth, but it’s worth keeping this in mind before you go all out to educate, inspire, and inform. • It confuses me Some people don’t find advice offensive, but unsolicited suggestions about other treatment methods may leave them feeling confused rather than empowered. Kaila, relates: “An ongoing health issue had been flaring up and I started a certain treatment for it. Then someone called me out of the blue, suggesting I see her for an alternative healing method. I was plunged into a state of utter chaos. I had felt confident in what I’d chosen to do, but now I felt completely thrown off balance. I began second-guessing myself, unsure of whether I’d made the right decision. Thanks to a conversation with a true friend, I came to the realization that as well as the insecurities aroused by this practitioner’s suggestion, the thought of turning her down was also making me feel incredibly guilty. And that was besides for the possible ineffectiveness of doing two treatments at a time, not to mention the prohibitive cost. When I finally left the second specialist a message saying I wouldn’t be using her services, boy, did I feel a surge of relief!”

Basic Criteria for Giving Advice Keeping in mind the emotions that may surface for the recipient of the advice, it’s clear that dispensing such information must be done with utmost sensitivity. And being that it may elicit such pain, is there a place for it at all? There may be—when certain critical criteria are met, that is. The criteria that survey respondents felt most vehemently about was whether advice was solicited. Of all the women I interviewed, the nearly unanimous consensus was to only give advice when asked; unsolicited advice is rarely appreciated. If the suffering party is the one to reach out to you, that’s your perfect chance to perform a chessed and help someone who’s struggling. Then there are other factors to keep in mind, as well. • Your qualifications If you’ve earned a reputation as a qualified person who is knowledgeable of the issue at hand, chances are, your words will be taken well. Similarly, your recommendations may carry weight if you’ve personally dealt with that specific health problem. Leah, 28, from Baltimore, Maryland, said she would more readily listen to advice from someone who knows their stuff. “For example, if it’s a child-related condition and the woman is a mother of a large brood, I’ll automatically trust her to a certain degree.” • Your relationship Is the recipient of your advice someone who know? That’s an important factor to consider, as well. “When a woman I know only casually strictly instructed—not even suggested—that I try certain creams for the eczema on my hands, I felt worthless,” shares Shira, 30, from Los Angeles, California. “I had never asked her for advice and hadn’t shared the details of my story; how could she tell me what to do?” On the other hand, if the giver and recipient enjoy an open relationship, communicating easily on various subjects, the probability of the interaction going over well increases. “I can easily tell my sister, ‘Your sheitel or housekeeping could use some help,’ Perel says. “And I also feel comfortable offering health tips—in a sensitive manner. It’s just the way we communicate with each other.”

A Note to Receptive AdviceSeekers Kudos to you for being so open to learning from others and broadening your perspective on health. Before you follow anyone’s advice, even that of a certified professional, make sure you’ve first done a background check. A highly-informed woman laments, “A particular speaker had gained a following on a health hotline and women eagerly swallowed his words. Ever the skeptic, I did a background check and discovered that the said professional was responsible for serious malpractice. He’d even had his license revoked! Charisma and all—why were so many blindly following his approach?” Take it all with a grain of salt, doing your due research to ascertain that the advice you’re receiving is actually good for you and worthy of implementation. This caveat applies to advice in all areas of life. In parenting, for example, while there are always nuggets of wisdom to gain from others, in our desire to garner information, we may forget that parents have been gifted with the ability to deal with the children Hashem gave them. For most healthy parents, listening to our inner voice and acting accordingly is an important part of the process. It’s critical to get in touch with ourselves and learn what does or doesn’t work for us. In general, there are no blanket solutions for health issues. Each of us is unique, benefiting from specific solutions that suit our individual needs at every stage of life.

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• The right setting

Recommend books, hotlines, or names of practitioners in an offhanded way, giving your listener the feeling that the choice to actually look into those recommendations is solely theirs.

Ensure that you don’t offer advice in a public setting. If your opinion is explicitly sought out at a public event, ensure that the conversation continues in a more private, sensitive fashion. “Someone came over to me at a wedding,” recalls Perla, 36, from London, “and gave me her very personal health-related opinion regarding an issue I was dealing with. She offered it within earshot of many people with whom I did not wish to share my situation. That was downright mortifying.” “I’d Like to Help”

Having ticked off all the boxes and confirmed that the advice you’re about to offer meets the criteria as warranted, here are some important pointers to keep in mind when delivering those pearls of wisdom.

Bear in mind that, like you, the woman standing before you is also a mature, responsible person doing her utmost to maintain her health and the health of her family. Speak to her as an equal, not in a condescending or patronizing manner.

Don’t promise solutions. If the person takes your words seriously and the “never fail” remedy doesn’t work, this will lead to disappointment and a general disillusionment in the healing practices you recommend. • Give space After you’ve said your piece, there’s no need to follow up. Sometimes, absorbing the information involves a longer fermenting process that can’t be rushed. In the case that the recipient needs more information, let her be the one to solicit it. • Don’t overdo it

• Tone Don’t deliver your piece authoritatively, unless you are, indeed, an authority in the field. (Even then, you’re best off going the gentle route.) Opt for a casual tone. Recommend books, hotlines, or names of practitioners in an offhanded way, giving your listener the feeling that the choice to actually look into those recommendations is solely theirs. They may or may not decide to follow the course of action but at least you’ve done your part in helping the person undergoing a challenge. You never know how many roads they will travel before turning to your mentors or yourself for direction. • Humility Make your source of information clear and encourage the listener to research further. Some people will actually trust you implicitly without consulting anyone else. That may feel good but if something goes wrong, chas veshalom, you don’t want to be held accountable. 52

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One thing is certain: Everyone hates when people launch a never-ending soliloquy on the topic of health, especially when delivered in a know-it-all fashion. In the best case, you’ll be boring a disengaged audience. In the worst case, they will take your words as a personal attack on their self-esteem. “Tell Me, Please!” Different personality types view health advice from vastly different perspectives. While the majority feel it is a perfect example of overstepping one’s boundaries, others see it as a form of true caring. Some have an inborn or nurtured interest in health, or an easygoing nature, and are open to a tidbit or two of advice. “I don’t mind hearing advice,” shares Rochel Baila, from Monsey, New York. “Ultimately, it’s up to me whether or not I do as I was told. I make sure to do my homework and then decide what course of action to take.” Also, non-specific advice or insights on a general topic

Questions to Ask Yourself Before Doling Out Advice • Is the person I’m about to share this with a close friend or family member? • Do we have a good relationship? • What kind of personality does she have? • Is she usually open to hearing advice? • If you’ve given her honest opinions in the past, were they well-received? When dealing with those of a sensitive nature, think twice before advising. And if you don’t know them well enough, it’s best to keep quiet and err on the side of caution.

are usually welcomed more readily. Most people are open to hearing tips and tricks for getting kids to eat their veggies or brush their teeth, or how to get rid of a recurring cold. Shifra recalls, “My sister-in-law once said to me, ‘When you’re raising kids, every two to three months is a new stage’ [regarding development and sleep training/ ailments/emotional issues, etc.]. That line really stuck with me. I appreciated it.” The Wisdom of Giving—and Receiving No matter how passionate we are about a given topic, or how clear it is to us that this is our chance to be the lamplighters for those in the dark, providing information or direction on the delicate subject of health necessitates an abundant dose of forethought and sensitivity. Raizy, who wishes everyone would take note of their emotional health before embarking on invasive, extensive procedures to treat apparently physical symptoms, keeps this in mind when she feels the urge to offer her input. “I often feel like this one piece of advice can make all the difference, with the help of Hashem, but I know that if I’m not asked, it’s

simply not my place. And so, I’m davening—for a lot of people—for them to come to this on their own.” Tzippy, a sensitive soul, offers a unique perspective to being a wise recipient. “Even if you’re not ready to listen to the long-winded sermon on health, why not do a chesed and let the advice-giver say their piece? People love to be heard!” Along the same lines, Shaindy points out, “If someone passionately tells me about what they view as the promised cure, I keep in mind that they genuinely would love to spread the word and help others. Often, their fire comes from the fact that they themselves suffered from a particular issue and want to spare others from a similar situation.” At the end of the day, both as the giver and the recipient, what lies at the crux of the interaction’s success is good middos and sensitivity. If we truly care about another’s welfare, our message will be delivered softly, ending with a fervent wish (whether expressed or not) that “Whatever you choose, may it be the right hishtadlus for good health and long life.”

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“I Can’t Stand Idly By!”

True, unsolicited advice is usually treacherous territory. But what if I really feel I can be of major help to a friend, family member, or stranger who is obviously struggling? Should I still withhold the treasure trove of knowledge and information I’ve gathered by learning or from personal experience in fear of hurting people’s feelings? Survey responses to this question were varied: ∞ “It depends on whether it’s socially acceptable in your community.” For example, in Israel, the average passerby won’t hesitate to suggest you cover the hood of your baby’s stroller due to the burning sun. Elsewhere, this would be considered downright rude and perhaps even an infringement on personal space. ∞ “I’d need to consider whether I have enough knowledge to take responsibility for what I’d like to share? I would only make suggestions if I was 100 percent sure that the recommended action is safe under all circumstances.” ∞ “Why not? Why let people suffer?” ∞ “If there’s a serious issue at stake, I would suggest going to a professional, licensed practitioner.” ∞ “If the person involved is very close to me and I know they won’t take offense,

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I would share my take on the issue. Otherwise, I would keep quiet.” ∞ “As a playgroup teacher, I feel it’s my responsibility to inform parents when I notice an issue. I have over a decade of experience, and I find that the mothers are generally open to hearing what I say. If they don’t? It’s not in my control, but at least I know I did my part.” ∞ “Over time, I’ve learned that I’m not responsible for other people’s health. It’s painful to watch people suffer needlessly, but there’s really no point in wasting my breath in trying to open their minds to other methods of healing if they are not ready to listen. At the end of the day, I remind myself that everything is bashert. When the time is ripe, their eyes will begin to see a path they haven’t noticed before.” ∞ “It used to irk me when my close friend took a certain medical route that my extensive research revealed could be harmful. But then I switched my mindset. I started davening that whatever she does should result in better health.” In general, we can never know how another person will be impacted by what we say. Do your best to be tactful and daven for siyata diShmaya that your words will be taken well.

Opposing Schools of Thought When people don’t see eye to eye on health issues

It’s easy to get caught up in the political or personal controversy associated with different approaches to health issues and treatments. You may hold a firm stance in one direction or the other, but that doesn’t mean it’s always appropriate to voice it. Sharing these beliefs might be okay with certain individuals and in certain settings, but when doing so may be the fuel that wreaks havoc in a relationship, you’re best off avoiding it. Especially when it comes to health, ultimately, the Master Healer is the One who has the power to cure. We must all do our reasonable hishtadlus, following the advice of qualified practitioners and daas Torah, but we must always be mindful that the results are up to Him. To quote the words of a wise survey participant: “No approach is Toras Moshe.” After all is said and done, there are learned professionals on both sides of any health issue, and both may be right for particular circumstances and individuals. Of primary importance is to be sensitive to those who hold a contrasting view to our own. People are entitled to have different opinions; being on either side of a health debate doesn’t give anyone the right to label or degrade those practicing other methods of treatment. When close friends or family members disagree in their approach to health issues, it’s best to avoid such discussions whenever possible. Harping on one’s beliefs and constantly lecturing about the correctness of our side will only push others away. Some tips from women who’ve been in the trenches: ∞ “I’ve learned that pouring advice down

people’s throats is an exercise in futility. In addition, this practice risks ruining relationships and does nothing to help them. At most, offer a referral and move on to discuss something else.” ∞ “A friend of mine was jeopardizing her shalom bayis due to strong disagreements between her and her husband regarding conventional versus natural health. I told her, ‘The poison you’re filling your home with is way worse than the potential damage that may be caused by following the other approach.’” ∞ “When you are careful with your health without preaching, and you do things quietly, people will get the message. They’ll be more open to learning from you and you’ll have a greater chance of influencing them to follow your approach.” ∞ “I had a close friend I can no longer talk to. Even calling her to ask her for a recipe leads her to launch into a long speech about the latest discoveries in health and why certain practices should be abolished. I find it easier to avoid speaking to her at all.” ∞ “I’m blessed with a sensible friend with whom I can discuss everything—except for health. Due to our differing views, it’s too much of a heated topic. And that’s okay with both of us.” Chaya shares a profound insight from Chovos Halevavos: “Every relationship has its limits. There is no single person with whom one feels a mutual understanding on every given topic. This reality is no mistake; Hashem personally built in an aspect of loneliness into the human race. The reason? To leave space for us to build a true relationship with Him, the only One who truly understands us entirely.”

WELLSPRING / KISLEV 5782

SAMPLE

SAMPLE By Libby Silberman

WELLSPRING / NOVEMBER 2021

Experiment: Sprouting Welcome to my lab, all my dear blank stares, and the scant handful of in-the-knowers. Sprouting, yep. What Is It? Sprouting, in the simplest English I can muster, is activating the spark of life within a seed or legume via water and air. By soaking the seed for the right amount of time and exposing it to the right amount of air, you are essentially tapping into the potential the seed contains—its life. When you hold in your hand a fistful of raw beans, you’re not only looking at what can potentially become your family’s cholent, but an entire field of crop. Sprouting takes that first step of activating the potential life within the seed. A sprouted bean or seed essentially looks like its old self, generally split in the middle with a small, white, thread-like shoot, frequently with a tiny green leaf at the tip. More on that later, my curious friends.

About six months ago, I put out feelers for a Sample experiment suggested by a Wellspring reader. I asked neighbors, friends, and colleagues, and posted it on two forums, but the response was weak. “Do you sprout?” was my question to one and all. “Do you mean weight? Yes, I sprout weight all the time,” replied a friend, tongue-in-cheek. “Oh, are you referring to my potatoes sprouting? Happens when I leave them in the cabinet for too long,” said another. “No, no, no! I mean sprouting! As in activating-seeds-kind-of-sprouting! That health thing.” Blank stares.

Why Sprout? Why would I want to take my lentils or chickpeas or buckwheat or sesame seeds and sprout them? What’s wrong with using them as they are in my soup and sides and challah topping? Because that can make them so much better. For starters, sprouting removes antinutrients, better known as the culprit for gassiness in beans, seeds, and legumes. The sprouts also contain various enzymes crucial to chemical processes in the body. Sprouts are considered the ancient food of rejuvenation of the body. Legend has it that they’ve been consumed for fertility, beauty, and glowing health throughout the generations. Modern research indeed supports these legends, as it has been proven that in a seed’s germinated form, the highest amounts of vitamins and minerals are present. For example, wheat that has been sprouted for three days contains a whopping 600 percent more vitamins E and C than the original, 200 percent more carotene, and 400 percent more vitamin B2. Sprouted oats contain 1450 percent more vitamin B2 than the unsprouted version! It’s that potent. In short, sprouts are the kings of vitamins A, B, C, E, K, and U, and the queens of minerals calcium, magnesium, phosphorus, chlorine, potassium, sodium, and silicon. The practice of sprouting dates back thousands of years, and is even mentioned in Sefer Daniel (see sidebar). It’s been an integral part of many cultures in the Orient as well, including a number of tribal groups that are renowned for their longevity and extraordinary health. So much for my scientific explanation. Are we good now, my science-minded friends?

WELLSPRING / KISLEV 5782

SAMPLE

WELLSPRING / NOVEMBER 2021

THE CHALLENGE Sprout 4 different legumes or seeds and incorporate them in my cooking and diet. How will it impact general health?

HOW IT WENT OVER This was probably the easiest experiment I’ve ever performed for Sample. Seriously. All I needed to do was follow a couple of easy-peasy instructions and I was good. Except not everything worked out exactly as planned.

WELLSPRING / KISLEV 5782

MUNG BEANS

SAMPLE

The Soaking Process Soaked one package of mung beans for 9 hours in a bowl of water

The Sprouting Process After 8 hours, I spilled the water and put the beans into my long-defunct flour sifter (thank you, pre-sifted flour) and covered it with a thick paper towel. I kept spraying water onto the paper towel to help the beans retain moisture.

Results They sprouted! Really! Little white shoots extended out of the beans. They came to full bloom on day #3 So proud was I of my little experiment that my beans were subject to a full photoshoot. (“Ma, what are these beany pictures on your camera?”)

Uses I tossed sprouted mung beans into a vegetable soup. They added a great bean flavor and consistency, perhaps staying slightly firmer and more noticeable than usual. Check plus.

ALMONDS

The Soaking Process Soaked one pound of almonds in a bowl of water for 8 hours.

The Sprouting Process I drained the water well and covered the very same bowl with a damp dishtowel, periodically checking for moisture. After a day, nothing happened.

Results According to Shoshana Harrari of “The Gardens of Spices,” my sprouted almonds were perfect. No shoot was necessary. Had I left it to do its thing for some more time, I would have noticed a shoot.

Uses We enjoyed the almonds as usual. They were slightly moister than normal, but just as great an after-school munchie.

MIXED BEANS

Pinto, white beans, and red kidney beans (aka cholent mix)

SAMPLE The Sprouting Process I drained the water and rinsed the beans. I dumped the mix in a colander, covered it with a moist paper towel, and left it on the counter overnight—about 15 hours.

Results Roughly 50 percent of the beans split and sprouted. Possible reasons for my semi-success: (1) I had not been using organic beans, and (2) I used a cholent mix, so I employed one method for all beans.

Uses Used it in…cholent! Family and guests reported no difference in taste. The Soaking Process Soaked my cholent mix in a bowl filled with water for about 10 hours.

When mentioned on Tuesday, husband, in attempt to make wife feel good about her experiments, said he thought he did feel lighter after consuming said cholent.

BLACK LENTILS

The Soaking Process Soaked for 8 hours

The Sprouting Process Drained water, put into flour sifter for 15 hours, covered with a moist paper towel. Results It worked! Beautiful little shoots sprouting from the middle of each lentil. Am I ever a proud sprouter!

Uses Fascinatingly enough, many sprouted lentils can be eaten as is—no cooking required. Batch 1: used in a hearty shredded vegetable soup Batch 2: enjoyed all of it throughout the week as a crunchy snack.

SAMPLE

Results This morning, my husband grabbed a container of sprouted black lentils from the refrigerator on his way out for the day. “For breakfast,” he said as he slipped it into a bag. When I looked at him weirdly, the hope I didn’t dare verbalize flickering in my eyes, he asked, “Didn’t you say that a person can survive solely on the nutrition of bean sprouts?” I swallowed a smile and headed over to my home office to update the “result” status of this experiment. Hubby likes them! The junior testers, however, could not be convinced, bribed, or paid to try even one sprout. Which works for me, because I got to enjoy the rest of my wholesome, delicious, and nutritious sprouts all by myself! It was great fun to do, with excellent health benefits to boot. That being said, due to the cheap availability of sprouted goods in Eretz Yisrael during shemittah, regular home-sprouters are now purchasing sprouts. It’s simply not worth sprouting your own when you can buy a halfpound container for a scant 8–10 shekels ($2–3). A keeper for the future? Likely, because it’s so easy, but not when it’s cheaper to buy them ready.

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Sprouts vs. Microgreens

Sprouts

Microgreens

 5–6 times healthier than the original seed or potential vegetable

 2–3 times as healthy as sprouts

 ready within a couple of days

 healthiest edible stages of a plant

 take more time to develop

 grow in a bowl, colander, sifter, or jar

 can be planted indoors

 considered the ‘extended version of sprouts’

 easier to grow, but may grow moldy in wrong conditions

 grow in a bit of soil

Sourced in Tanach In the Kinnos, we read of the painful saga in which shrewd Yerushalmi children were seized, marking the beginning of the Churban. Nevuchadnetzar demanded that King Yehoyakim send him the brightest children of the nation, intending to poison their young sharp minds with heresy. Among those children in royal captivity were young Daniel, Chananya, Mishael, and Azarya.

who have eaten the king’s fare to us, who have consumed nothing but seeds and water.”

The little group naturally refused the non-kosher fare offered to them by the king’s servants, and asked for nothing but seeds to eat and water to drink. The servants grew alarmed, fearing their heads if these children died of hunger in their jurisdiction.

According to some commentators, Daniel and his friends sprouted the beans they received, which were the only food that posed no kashrus concerns. Sprouts are so rich in nutrition that they not only sustained the children, but they enabled them to become healthier and more beautiful.

“Give us ten days and we shall be seen by the king,” Daniel told the servant, “and he will compare the children

(Daniel 1:10–20, as seen in The Garden of Spices by Shoshana Harrari)

After ten days, the four of them appeared fatter and more beautiful than any of the other captive children. When the king tested them in matters of intelligence, he found the four of them to be ten times cleverer than all the astrologers and magicians in his kingdom.

WELLSPRING / KISLEV 5782

SAMPLE

So, you’ve been convinced…and you want to give sprouting a try. You totally should. Here’s the basic rundown, but you may want to speak to an old-time sprouter for hints and tips. • Buy organic seeds (not a must, but highly recommended). • Soak them for the prescribed amount of time. (See chart for number of hours required. If the seed doesn’t appear on my list, do not despair; ask a veteran sprouter for instructions.) • After the requisite soak, rinse the seeds with room-temperature water. • Lay flat on the surface of a sifter or colander, single layer. Cover with a moist paper towel. (Many use a mixing bowl, but I wouldn’t recommend that for beginners.) • Keep the beans moist by spraying water periodically on the paper towel and by rinsing the beans every five hours or so. The best place to keep them is on the countertop, away from sunlight. • Watch the seeds split and flourish! Nature’s magical process is happening right there on your kitchen counter. • Refer to the chart for soak time and sprout time for a variety of typical legumes and seeds. • Enjoy in soups, salads, sides, and sandwiches. • You should be able to feel an instant shift in your digestion of otherwise-gassy beans and legumes. Within two weeks of regular sprouts consumption, you should be able to observe a glowing difference in your hair, nails, and complexion, be’ezras Hashem. Name

Alfalfa

Soak Time

8 Hours

Sprout Time

7 Days

Primary Health Benefits

Notes

Vitamins A, B, C, E, K, and minerals

Most of us buy alfalfa that has already sprouted, but I left it in the list so you can feel good about that impressive nutrition list!

Almonds

8 Hours

24 Hours

Vitamins B, E, calcium, and protein

All almonds in the USA are boiled, meaning they are essentially dead and inactive. Make sure to get organic almonds only.

Barley

8 Hours

72 Hours

Vitamins B, C, and minerals

Do not use pearl barley— only whole will sprout.

Black-eyed beans

24 Hours

48 - 72 Hours

Vitamins A, C, and minerals Cook sprouted buckwheat as usual after 24 hours or continue sprouting to get perfect salad greens.

Buckwheat

4 Hours

24 Hours

Vitamins B, C, lecithin, and minerals

Chickpeas

8 Hours

24 - 48 Hours

Vitamins A, C, and minerals, especially calcium

Cook chickpeas as usual once sprouted (though they will require a shorter cook time).

Fenugreek

8 Hours

7 Days

Vitamins A, C, iron, and phosphorus

It takes a while, but fans say it’s worth the wait.

Green peas

12 Hours

48 - 72 Hours

Vitamins A, B, C, protein, and rich in fiber

Use in soups and salads.

WELLSPRING / NOVEMBER 2021

Name

Soak Time

Sprout Time

Primary Health Benefits

Notes

Lentils

8 Hours

28 Hours

Vitamin C, K, folate, iron, and magnesium

Try all types of whole lentils using this method.

Millet

12–15 hours

72+ Hours

Vitamins B2, B3, iron, and other minerals

Cook and eat, add to bread recipes, and grind to create your own “millet flour.”

Oats

8 Hours

48 - 72 Hours

Vitamins B, E, and minerals (also lower the glycemic index for diabetics)

Use only whole oats in the hull. Steel cut and rolled will not sprout.

Peanuts

8 Hours

24 Hours

Vitamins B, E, and minerals

Remember to use unsalted and raw peanuts.

Pumpkin seeds

8 Hours

24 Hours

Vitamins E and minerals, especially iron

Sprouted pumpkin seeds do not produce a sprout. Use raw in sandwiches and salads—just awesome! (And of course, you can always cook them, too.)

Quinoa

8 Hours

24 Hours

Vitamins B, E, and amino acids

Mung beans

8 Hours

60 - 72 Hours

Vitamin C, iron, and potassium

Love them in an unblended vegetable soup.

Sesame seeds

8 Hours

24 - 48 Hours

Vitamins B, E, and calcium

Sprouted sesame does not produce a shoot.

Sunflower seeds

8 hours

24 - 48 Hours

Vitamins A, C, minerals, and chlorophyll

This can become a microgreen (for use as a salad green) using some soil on a tray.

Wheat

12 Hours

48 Hours

Vitamins B, C, E, and magnesium

Wheat is especially popular in its latest form, wheatgrass. Try creating that yourself by growing the greens in a bit of soil on a tray.

White Beans

8 Hours

10 Hours

Vitamin C, K, and folate

Ta-da…enjoy your cholent!

Natural melatonin, folate, and magnesium

Aside for cholent, incorporate spouted beans in your weeknight dinner rotation for an excellent source of protein. Sprouting ensures that the culprit for gas is gone before you cook it.

Red kidney beans

10 Hours

5 - 18 Hours

Pinto beans

10 Hours

15 - 18 Hours

Vitamin C, folate, and iron

Extremely versatile in use, try using these in soups, sides, and cholent.

WELLSPRING / KISLEV 5782

SAMPLE

Organic or Not? It’s best to use only organic seeds when sprouting because pesticides kill much of the active parts of a seed, so regular seeds may not germinate and sprout. I have tried non-organic with mostly okay results, but the die-hard sprouters claim that your sprouting endeavors are bound to fail if you don’t go the organic route.

It’s this simple:

Berachah: Shehakol Interestingly enough, although sprouts resemble greens, on which we typically recite the berachah of Ha’adamah, their correct berachah is Shehakol since they’re not grown in any earth and subsist solely on water and air to thrive. (For this reason, sprouts don’t require the extra kashrus certification regarding shemittah. That’s good news for us folks across the pond. While regular produce during shemittah may involve complications, sprouted goods are plentiful and cheap this year.)

Let Them Breathe! Your sprouts need a moist environment to germinate and sprout, but give them too much moisture and you’ll be left with a moldy end-product. Make sure your sprouts can breathe.

WELLSPRING / NOVEMBER 2021

I saw a neat-looking sprouter on Amazon and I’m thinking of getting it. What’s your take?

Not another gadget for your kitchen, oh no! Use a colander or flour sifter with moist paper towel for perfect results. You can even use a mixing bowl or a glass jar.

Here are some great ways to incorporate sprouts into your diet.

• Throw them into soups.

• Cook as usual (beans for cholent, buckwheat as a side dish, etc.)

• Top salads with a nutty crunch (and skip those croutons!)

• A go-to snack that’s actually good for you.

• My breakfast this morning: whole-wheat crackers and a slice of Hermon cheese, topped with sprouted black lentils. Swap up the sprouts and microgreens for different tastes and textures. Broccoli micros are the latest fave around here.

Special thanks to Shoshana Harrari, whose work, The Garden of Spices, has been an invaluable resource for this month’s Sample installment.

Curious about a health fad but don’t want to be the experimental subject just yet? I may want to experiment with that! Send a message to info@wellspringmagazine.com, subject line “Libby’s the Sample.” Meet you in the lab!

WELLSPRING / KISLEV 5782

CUP OF TEA

WELLSPRING / NOVEMBER 2021

Cup of Tea with

Avigail Gimpel LOCATION:

Avigail Gimpel

Gush Etzion, Israel

AGE: 47 FAMILY: 6 children OCCUPATION: ADHD coach and educator, author

FOUNDED PRACTICE: 2006 (but has worked in the field for over a decade prior)

SHE WISHES PEOPLE WOULD KNOW: that an ADHD child is healthy but struggling, and how important it is for parents to go on a journey of curiosity and respect for their child and themselves.

By Libby Silberman WELLSPRING / KISLEV 5782

CUP OF TEA

While teaching at Darkei Torah in Far Rockaway, Avigail found her curiosity increasingly piqued by a certain demographic of students in her classroom, year after year: “The creatives, the dreamers, the ones with giant hearts and big smiles. The same ones who couldn’t focus on the text in their books if you paid them, who couldn’t sit still, and consistently underperformed—those who struggled with regulating their emotions and healthy habits.” In order to engage all her students, Avigail invested her72

WELLSPRING / NOVEMBER 2021

For Avigail Gimpel, mother of six whose professional work has become her life’s mission, the revelation didn’t happen overnight. Actually, she worked in the field that would eventually become her professional specialty for well over a decade before she realized she had been building the foundation for her life’s work.

self in redesigning the way she taught. She enjoyed incredible success as a teacher, particularly with these students. Their unique qualities were so refreshing to Avigail that when she met her own future husband, she was similarly attracted to the very same energy in him. The young couple made aliyah only two days after they married, and she gave birth to her first three children in quick succession. After the birth of her third child, Avigail’s husband and father-in-law planned an entrepreneurial stint in Moscow,

Russia. (“An ADHD thing,” she says with a chuckle.) They aimed to bring a certain brand over to the city of frigid temps. Avigail, knowing she faced a couple of years of having a semi-absentee spouse, decided to hop aboard instead, relocating to Moscow to keep her family intact. For the following three and a half years, she kept busy in Moscow teaching in various schools, both in mainstream education and in special education. “What was really interesting,” Avigail relates, “after

WELLSPRING / KISLEV 5782

CUP OF TEA

having been exposed to classrooms across the world—New York, Israel, and Russia—was the realization that kids are the same everywhere. Of course, cultures are different, and educational norms may be highly varied. But I saw the identical behavioral and emotional systems and a similar pattern of which children fail the mainstream system.” The Gimpels’ return to Israel marked the time that Avigail started immersing herself more fully into the world of ADHD. Many of her delightful children were exhibiting classic ADHD symptoms, and one by one, she got them diagnosed, until she stopped taking them for evaluation because at that point, she knew ADHD when she saw it. Working in various capacities with the ADHD population, Avigail noticed how her work gradually morphed into her passion. As she studied the educational systems, she was invited to help the ADHD students, and she grew determined to do something drastic— to turn a mainstream education classroom into a special education environment. With as much as 10 percent of every class falling through the cracks due to ADHD behaviors, she viewed her mission as vital. The biggest break, Avigail shares, was when she started researching the medications her own children had been prescribed. Ever the thinker, she read every book on the topic in her quest to understand the neurological impact of medication. So what are her takeaways on the heated topic? “Lots of my clients are medicated, and I did medicate my own children at various points,” she prefaces her response. “There are times when a child just needs to get through school and tough periods, and his symptoms simply need to be managed.” In the short term, she asserts, medication is harmless, not unlike over-the-counter medication for headaches. But keeping a child on medication in the long term causes other psychiatric issues in at least one out of ten children. Avigail is eager to discuss ADHD drugs, 74

WELLSPRING / NOVEMBER 2021

especially since she is in the process of editing her second book on ADHD, which focuses largely on the science and history of medication. She maintains that ADHD is not all neurological, and that the idea that symptoms can be corrected solely with medication is false. “True,” Avigail notes, “symptoms can be dulled by medication, but there is almost always a root cause to the ADHD that, when left untreated, will continue to fester. Root causes include physiological and emotional factors.” Examples of physiological causes:

"Symptoms can be dulled by medication, but there is almost always a root cause to the ADHD that, when left untreated, will continue to fester."

• Screen addiction • Sleep issues • Allergies • Asthma • Skin issues • Various autoimmune diseases • Constant runny nose • Gut issues (probably the most prevalent cause) • Premature birth • Child born via C-section Examples of emotional causes: • Childhood stresses • Trauma • Abuse Avigail is determined to bring awareness to parents and educators and empower them to stop addressing the behaviors and finally start treating the core. All in a Day’s Work So, what does Avigail actually do? Most cases start with parents and teachers being frustrated with a child’s challenging behavior. They cannot manage him, and no one is happy. The mainstream route would be to medicate the child, tamp down the symp-

toms, and enjoy the magic of brain-altering medication. Essentially, however, medication does not resolve any issues; it only quiets them down temporarily. In her work, Avigail seeks a health transformation that will, as a natural extension, transform the ADHD behaviors. Her first response is not “What’s are the child’s symptoms and what is his diagnosis?” but “Why is this child struggling?” Avigail assesses the child’s physical profile and general environmental and familial profile by asking dozens of detailed questions, such as: What is the child’s general diet? How is the child’s sleep? How frequently is he exposed to a screen? Does he have any medical conditions? Often, during the initial evaluation, Avigail finds that the child’s issue is immediately apparent, such as a chronic runny nose, which has, fascinatingly enough, been linked to triggering ADHD. “As peculiar as it sounds,” she notes, “curing such a seemingly minor issue can be key in resolving challenging behaviors for good.” Then there are the emotional factors that trigger ADHD. Avigail recalls a heartbreaking episode in which she met the parents of a 12-year-old boy with ADHD. The parents were beside themselves with his out-of-line behavior, and they eagerly sought out an ADHD diagnosis so they could medicate their son. Avigail met them shortly after their child’s diagnosis and asked, among the many questions in her usual intake, “Is there any unwanted contact going on in your child’s life?” “Yes, actually,” said the mother. “There is an issue at school, but it’s not connected to his behavior in any way.” In another case, a child was being physically and emotionally abused at school. Avigail worked with the parents and the child, but the situation in school was ongoing. She advised the parents repeatedly to remove their child from the unsafe environment, but they wouldn’t, claiming it would be “strange” if they sent their child to a school outside of their community. When Avigail meets such parents, she wishes to impart to them that what they’re looking at is not just another episode in their child’s life, but an actual situation of direct cause and effect. “If a child is enduring major trauma,” she explains, “that is what is actually causing the ADHD symptoms. Emotional factors are painfully prevalent, but rarely linked to the ADHD behaviors.”

Most Fascinating Discovery That title goes for a book that Avigail picked up for a dollar, Blaming the Brain: The Truth About Drugs and Mental Health, written by psychologist and neuroscience professor Elliot S. Valenstein, PhD, in 1998. It was not a bestseller at the time to say the least, but Avigail discovered a wealth of scientific information about ADHD that was written in an era of free print, prior to the pharmaceutical industry’s rise to supreme power. These days, Avigail posits, most books contain an agenda, but this one offers a neutral perspective that she has found evidence for time and again.

In both the runny-nose episode as well as the other examples, Avigail directs parents further to help their chil-

WELLSPRING / KISLEV 5782

CUP OF TEA

As Avigail studied the educational systems, she was invited to help the ADHD students, and she grew determined to do something drastic—to turn a mainstream education classroom into a special education environment.

dren. In cases of deep emotional abuse or trauma, she refers them to licensed practitioners, and often works alongside them concomitantly. Though the topics of mental and emotional health are far more complex than the physical roots of ADHD, when proper treatment is sought, individuals can definitely break the cycles and develop unbelievable strength. On the physical end of causes, Avigail has conducted many studies on gut health and its inevitable connection with ADHD. She helps clients through a thirty-day gut cleanup program in which trigger foods are eliminated from the client’s diet, and she then guides them toward an improved lifestyle. Do dietary changes generate instant results? “It depends. In very young children, such as 5-year-olds, these changes can clean up their systems like new, which will automatically modify the ADHD behaviors. In adolescents of 10–15 years old, the elimination and clean up help immensely, but at that point, the child has missed out on a lot of life skills and has generally developed negative habits.” For individuals in this age bracket, Avigail adds various exercises and positive skill development in the treatment to negate bad habits. The most challenging to treat, she admits, is ADHD in adults. At that point, not only has the individual developed negative habits around their ADHD behaviors, but they have also experienced many failures, and further emotional work is required to help rid them of the accumulated “baggage.” Avigail mentions a young child with hyperactive behavior who also suffered from a chronic runny nose. Upon her suggestion, the parents eliminated gluten altogether and within a few weeks, he was visibly calmer. When the family couldn’t maintain the child’s diet over the Yom Tov 76

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season, the runny nose returned and so did the difficult behavior. A different scenario stands out in her mind, in which a mother was “accidentally” healed of her own never-diagnosed ADHD. In her work with Avigail to help her child, she transformed her entire family’s diet. The mother told Avigail during a follow-up session that she suddenly gained a whole new level of focus. It was the first time in her life that she was able to read on the couch for more than a half hour! This was an unexpected bonus she didn’t count on when trying to help her child. Another child she met was suffering from sleep apnea that had gone undiagnosed until his ADHD diagnosis brought him to Avigail’s doorstep. In her intake, Avigail asked about his sleep patterns, and realized he was experiencing sleep issues. Diet overhaul was key in curing that particular case. If Avigail’s approach seems to be doing the job, why is

it not yet the mainstream route? Why is medication the most popular path to take? Avigail suggests a few reasons: • The Industry It’s a sad reality that the pharmaceutical industry controls mainstream opinions and beliefs to an enormous extent. They are not only wealthy but also extremely powerful in influencing the population at large. In fact, the largest support group in the world for ADHD is actually sponsored by pharmaceutical companies. They have managed to hijack all information modalities accessible to common man. That means that if you try researching pharmaceutical drugs online, your top one hundred search results will probably be engineered by these companies. • Time and Patience The uncomfortable truth is that people struggle with the slow route. Finding root causes and working on them takes

time. It’s a process. We’re living in an Eisav generation, in which we want the soup, and we want it now, poured down our throats. An individual who is accustomed to stopping by a fastfood takeout each evening for dinner cannot be transformed easily into a person who sprouts his own wheat and creates his own sourdough bread. Similarly, we are living in a fast-paced, instant-gratification era, and changing one’s mindset is naturally very difficult. A doctor diagnosing ADHD will tell parents, “Don’t worry, it’s not your fault that your child is exhibiting these behaviors, it’s in his brain’s wiring.” And he’s right. It is in the brain’s wiring, and it isn’t the parents’ fault at all. But parents can in fact do so much to help their child. There’s a process to go through. Parents are willing to go to the ends of the earth for their children, but they often struggle with treading the path called “slow process”, es-

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CUP OF TEA

The parents were beside themselves with his out-ofline behavior, and they eagerly sought out an ADHD diagnosis so they could medicate their son.

pecially when they are being told that the fast route is the best route. They want results and they want them now. • “Get Them to the Chuppah” Avigail has hotly debated this topic with mechanchim in many schools. One particular mechanech nailed the general reluctance to treating children the “long” way. “We need to get this boy to the chuppah,” he said, only partially in jest. “But how?” bemoans Avigail. As a young man who is not resilient, has never experienced failure and struggling, has been crutched through his adolescent years, and has firmly developed the belief that he can only survive on drugs? “That’s very sad,” she says. “Marriage is only the beginning of life, a time when maturity and resilience become number-one commodities.” Hyperhealing — Avigail’s Revolutionary Approach, Now in Book Form Following many years of meeting educators and parents, Avigail found she simply did not have enough time to meet the growing demand for education and support required by clients around the world. Compelled to get priceless knowledge out to the public, she wrote her first book, Hyperhealing, in which she explains her revolutionary theory with hard evidence and research. The book explains the thirty-day challenge in full detail so that individuals can implement 78

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these changes on their own. She lists potential triggers to gut imbalance, and how one can combat it. Additionally, entire chapters are devoted to disordered sleep and screen addiction, both of which are intimately linked to ADHD. Unmanaged stress leads to abysmal behavior, as well as too-high stimulation. The book also covers treatment for emotional causes, which are elucidated in depth. Probably the most incredible section in the book is the guided ADHD support group systems. Groups can gather and use the book as a guide to coach themselves to better health and functioning. Workshop Sample Avigail is frequently invited to schools and yeshivos to deliver a three-to-four-part education seminar on ADHD in the classroom. Here are some of the critical topics she generally addresses. • Treat ADHD with curiosity. Yes, it has a genetic component, but why is this particular child struggling? The question she wants educators to ask is “Why?” Frequently, an obvious health issue can be linked to the ADHD. On that end, Avigail teaches the basics of the science and research surrounding ADHD. • Differently wired, not wrongly wired: The instant-gratification personality. There are many ways in which ADHD manifests in different personalities, but this one is the most apparent and prevalent in the ADHD population, including her own children. On the positive end of things, such individuals are creative, funny, endearing, and innovative. The challenge grows out of the inability to fuse their quirkiness with the social standards of conformity. These individuals want everything fast, and now. When the novelty of any new project wears off, they lose steam and quit the project before it reaches completion. Such individuals are less likely to develop healthy habits such as enduring through hardships and developing resilience. These individuals, Avigail laments, are at risk of having the ADHD label slapped on too easily. She insists that neurologically, there is absolutely no proof that something is wrong with them. They are differently wired, not wrongly wired. Avigail guides educators to assist such students by creating innovative programs for helping them get out of bed in the morning, get to school on time, and complete homework assignments. Similarly, she encourages educators to help students work on life skills such as negotiating, turn-taking, and dealing with disappointment. Retraining such children to develop healthy habits sets them up with solid skills that will last a lifetime.

(Interestingly, Avigail compares this personality to a shy and bookish student. Such a child wouldn’t be considered disordered and in need of medication. In the strictly technical sense of the word, she notes, a shy child is just as ‘disordered’ as an ADHD child. Since the hyperactive children are the ones who stand out and make the waves, while the quiet ones go with the flow and satisfy their teachers, they often end up being medicated and labeled for nothing other than their high-maintenance personality.) • The progress mindset. Credited to the book “Mindset” by psychologist Carol S. Dwek, this concept is probably the most important component of Avigail’s seminars. This idea applies not only to ADHD students, but to every child, teen, and adult in every single setting. We don’t have to be perfect. We are individuals in progress. It’s normal not to do it all right the first time around, nor the second time. For example, when a child grows up being told constantly how smart they are, this can cause problems. The child becomes afraid to ask questions when learning something new, feels they can never make mistakes, and fears appearing stupid. This child is stuck in a fixed mindset that may compel him to cheat when he can’t perform well, avoid projects when he doesn’t believe he can do the best job ever, and flee from any situation in which his “terrible secret”—that he’s not as smart as everyone thinks—is exposed. This type of challenge becomes compounded when combined with negative behaviors, as is particularly evident in ADHD individuals. The child becomes entrenched in his belief that if he starts something, he’ll quit; that he is always disordered; that he will inevitably be late. Living in a “perfect” rather than “progress” mindset can also cause this individual to remain stuck in constant competition with themselves, trying to live up to what everyone believes them to be instead of trying, being, and doing their very best. Parents and educators can facilitate healthier ways of thinking by changing the way they respond to their child. An example would be to avoid complimenting the child using absolute descriptions of their abilities. So instead of complimenting your child’s singing by saying, “You have such a great voice,” you might say, “I love listening to you sing,” or, “I’m amazed how you are using your gifts from Hashem.” These days, Avigail is busy teaching in colleges, running parent groups, meeting individuals and couples, and editing her second book on ADHD medication. She is determined to change the way the world perceives ADHD, one delightful child at a time. Avigail can be contacted via Wellspring.

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THE FUNCTIONAL DIETITIAN

Why Am I So Constipated? By Tamar Feldman, RDN, CDE

I get this question in some form or other on most days, and I would venture to say that 70 percent of IBS-type issues are really constipation in some form. In fact, many individuals presenting with abdominal pain often don’t even realize how “backlogged” their intestines are until the constipation interventions we incorporate surprisingly eliminate their GI complaints. The most common manifestations of constipation are the classic lack of bowel movements for many days (or even weeks!) or frequent trips to the bathroom with small amounts of stool output, with an accompanying incomplete emptying sensation, gassiness, and bloating. I have even seen cases where individuals were sure that they were emptying well, or even presented with stools that seemed to be too loose, but after successful intervention, it was clear that they had not previously been eliminating solid stool effectively.

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Low-Fiber Diet Although this is the most obvious cause, it is often the most overlooked. Fiber is necessary to create the bulk that moves food wastes downward through gravity, and individuals often tend to overestimate how much fiber they are really consuming. For individuals who are struggling with constipation, I recommend downloading a “fiber content of foods” chart and aiming for an intake of 30–35 grams of dietary fiber intake per day. I also usually incorporate a fiber supplement that is non-gassy and well tolerated, at a dose of 2 grams twice daily with water.

Pelvic Muscle Imbalance Prolonged constipation can cause defects in the way rectal muscles respond to stool pressure, and an inappropriate rectal muscle relaxation response. Individuals with a history of prolonged constipation who don’t respond to basic interventions often require pelvic floor physical therapy to assist in restoring the natural muscular response for successful bowel movements.

Physical Inactivity A sedentary lifestyle can lead to “lazy” intestines that don’t contract as effectively to move food down with gravity, and this factor cannot be overlooked in a constipation intervention regimen. I advise aiming for 10 minutes of daily brisk movement to stimulate movement of the bowels, in combination with all other interventions.

Dehydration The first place where the body will compromise on a lack of fluid will be in the stool, absorbing any water it can from the bowels to serve vital functions in the body. Increasing fluid intake until urine is a pale color is a first-step intervention in constipation cases. For clients who cannot drink sufficiently due to concerns about frequent urination, I find incorporating an electrolyte powder supplement to be an effective solution. This helps with the retaining of fluids at the cellular level instead of water being immediately filtered out and lost in urine. Keeping the body tissues well hydrated will allow the stools to retain sufficient fluid, a prerequisite to successful GI transit.

SIBO While excess trapped gas and bloat in the abdomen is usually just secondary to constipation and a stool backlog, sometimes it is due to SIBO (small intestine bacterial overgrowth). Prolonged constipation, as well as other factors, can cause this condition. Until treated, the stools will be somewhat “frozen” and will not be effectively conducting the peristalsis motion needed for GI transit.

While the above factors are the most common causes for constipation, there are other situations, such as structural issues with the bowel, that need to be addressed differently. For clients who are dependent on laxatives, weaning will not be successful until all of the basic factors above are first addressed. At that point, very slowly decreasing the use of laxatives, with concurrent use of gentle herbs that promote GI transit, magnesium, and other mild supplements, is appropriate. The importance of proper daily elimination of stool on total body health cannot be overestimated. Those suspecting constipation or incomplete emptying would be advised to have their condition professionally evaluated and treated in order to both improve current quality of life and prevent further gut-related issues. Tamar Feldman, RDN, CDE is registered dietitian/nutritionist and certified diabetes educator who has advanced training in functional medicine. She maintains a busy virtual nutrition practice, servicing numerous international clients. She specializes in sustainable weight loss and nutrition therapy for autoimmune disease, gastrointestinal disorders, and female hormone imbalances. She can be reached at 732-364-0064 or through her website, www.thegutdietitian.com.

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SERIAL DIARY

COMPASS s e rial diary as told to Libby Silberman by Dina Lieber

Chapter 3 October 2018 - December 2018

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ight after we received Lana’s diagnosis of autism, our life moved on as perfectly pretty and smooth as ever—from the outside. We did not tell anyone about the life-altering declaration we’d received, pretending everything was just fine.

Inside, you ask? Ah…that was a disaster. The day of Lana’s hearing test stands out in my mind as one of false but fun hopes. As part of the thorough evaluation, Lana underwent a standard hearing test, which she failed miserably. As a result, she was to undergo a more comprehensive hearing test called BERA, which is performed in the hospital under anesthesia. The night before the test, Eli and I looked at each other and verbalized the same tender hope: “Imagine if all this could mean that she simply doesn’t hear well! Wouldn’t that be amazing?” But of course, she had failed her first test because she wasn’t paying attention. Not long thereafter, Lana was diagnosed as having the severest form of autism known to humankind, and 40 percent maximum cognition. One of the specialists I saw subsequently also called it mental retardation, an expression that hasn’t—to his apparent obliviousness—been a part of our lexicon for years. She was immediately started on speech therapy, physiotherapy, occupational therapy, and DIR therapy (floortime therapy based on concepts of reciprocal play and joint play). The prognosis was dreary wherever we turned. No one knew if she’d ever learn to say her name or to be toilet trained. *** Every day, my friends would call to invite me out. We’d hang out in the playground, take walks, or do grocery shopping together. Consumed as I was with all the therapies, and depleted afterward, I frequently began pleading my way out with excuses. Until they stopped asking. My husband started missing kollel more often than not, which must have also raised brows. Still, we staunchly maintained our silence. We told our parents about Lana’s prognosis but begged them not to tell our siblings-in-law. My mother-in-law, in particular, was very perturbed when she heard I wouldn’t let my sisters-in-law know about Lana. She claimed I was burning my own bridges, and that family was family when all chips were down. Thinking back to those days when we decidedly left everyone around us in the dark (foolishly thinking that no

one knew anything), I can trace my logic in keeping all this a secret. An old friend of my mother had a son, who was a bit “off.” No one knew exactly what his issue was, and no one ever talked about it, especially because his family was highly affluent and influential. When the child was about eight years old, the family moved to the States for about two years to help treat their son (a fact I assumed, but couldn’t confirm). When they moved back to Europe, they kept his condition mum, and no one was the wiser. This boy ended up marrying a bright girl from a financially strapped background, who was happy to marry into such a prominent family, with money to boot. I assume she chose to turn a blind eye to the red flags he probably displayed when they were dating, and they have a couple of kids by now. Honestly, honestly? He is still interesting. But as much as I felt bad for his poor wife, in the back of my mind, I imagined Lana following this course. She might have a diagnosis now, but we’d deal with it, get her all the intervention she needed, and then she’d go into first grade at Bais Yaakov and sail through it all. Okay, we’d get her a tutor to help her with math. Maybe a social skills mentor if things got tough. My unrealistic takeaway? Do not label; they’ll be better off that way. With these desperate wishes filling our hearts, we continued to keep Lana’s diagnosis a total secret, chugging along. My parents filled in the gaps financially, and I dragged myself and Lana to therapy every single day, anxiously anticipating the big transformation. Many people ask me how I managed back then, what kept me going. As a young couple harboring this big, dark secret, penciling in every free moment in our calendar with another seemingly fruitless therapy session, those days were tough. I drew my strength on a solitary but powerful piece of chizuk Rabbi Miller of Gateshead Seminary once shared with us, his students, at a Shabbos afternoon speech: “Your children are not nachas machines. A parent’s role is to be there for their children. Children don’t need to give anything back to their parents to make this work ‘worthwhile.’” My husband penned this message in nice calligraphy on a pretty piece of paper he taped to the closet in our bedroom. We would go to sleep with this powerful line in mind and wake up to the same reminder. It empowered us to keep going, to face another day and yet another, without seeing our bloodiest efforts rewarded. *** Little Lana wasn’t doing all that great despite all the

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SERIAL DIARY

intervention we were doing for her, when Hashem started pelting us with a message. Go to Mifne. Go to Mifne. Go to Mifne. A residential therapy center in which the entire family moves in with their autistic child for three-plus weeks of intense therapy, Mifne is a place where the family learns an entirely new lifestyle that helps their autistic child blossom. A staggering 88 percent of Mifne “graduates” end up being mainstreamed. The institution accommodates only one family at a time, which means that only 12–14 families can undergo the program over the course of a year. Decades old, Mifne does not maintain a very good online presence. Virtually nobody knows who they are and what they do. But in our case, Hashem sent us three different shlichim who urged us to do the same thing: Go to Mifne. The recommendations were so random, so clearly Heaven-sent. The first came from a Rebbetzin of a famous mashgiach, whom I got to know through her therapist daughter. As the mother of an autistic son (who is now in his fifties), this Rebbetzin is highly educated in all things autism. Although she never attended the program herself, she warmly endorsed it. “If I were your mother, Dina,” she told me, “I’d tell you not to walk to Mifne, but run! Had I been offered this opportunity, I’d have been there yesterday!” An incredible woman who works in a government organization’s health department called me out of hours to suggest this route to me, after hearing another family’s success story with Mifne. And then Hashem sent another messenger, the wildest one yet. Because I have high-risk pregnancies that require constant monitoring and occasional blood transfusions for HR sensitization, I was in touch with a medical askan who helped me find a doctor for my condition. He also knew we were dealing with a severely autistic daughter. One day he called my husband in excitement. He’d just flown back to Israel from the USA and had sat near a woman by the name of Hannah for the duration of the flight. Hannah ran a treatment center for autism in a remote corner of Northern Israel. It was called mifne. We just had to get into her program, he urged. He had all the details at the ready for us (a 12-hour flight does provide ample opportunity for networking). But I just laughed at all these referrals. How sweet, I shrugged, but where would this come into our lives? I worked, Eli was in kollel, and we were raising a family. I felt like a hero by just managing to fit Lana’s therapies into our already full schedule. And now this?

To be continued… 84

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DIY

Custom Hand Creams By Miriam Schweid

With these simple instructions, you can create a moisturizing hand cream to suit your taste, needs, and mood. In addition to their health benefits for skin, essential oils can serve as an excellent, natural scent enhancer. Purchase a 2–4-ounce jar of unscented hand cream. The brand can be generic, ringing in at under $5 at stores like Target, Amazon, pharmacies, and 99-cent shops. Make sure the cream does not contain cortisone. Here are some options for creating your own customized cream.

5 drops lavender essential oil to 1 oz cream for a calming effect and to stop itching.

5 drops thieves oil to 1 oz cream for antibacterial benefits.

4 drops calendula to 1 oz cream for healing cuts and minor wounds.

8 drops Calm & Relax oil to 1 oz cream to promote calmer sleep.

Mix cream well and store in an airtight plastic container. Use on a daily basis, or as needed.

5 drops Rescue Remedy to 1 oz cream

For a more soothing effect, refrigerate the cream.

to facilitate overall relaxation.

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CHECK IN TAKE A MOMENT TO DO THIS BEFORE THE DONUT BINGE HAPPENS WHAT I GOT THROUGH GIVING A REFRESHING PERSPECTIVE ON SELF-CARE

EMOTIONAL EATING

By Shira Savit

You’re Invited to Check In We Can’t Even Taste the Food We Binge On

“When I binge at night, I feel like a crazy person.” “My overeating makes me feel so out of control.” “In the late afternoon, this force takes me over and no matter what I do or say, I just can’t stop snacking.” These are common phrases I hear from women who are struggling with their eating. “My eating is so out of control I’m afraid I’ll look like an elephant if I don’t stop.” We all know that there is no magical formula to “stopping.” There are so many reasons why we might overeat, binge eat, or emotionally eat, which makes this a complex challenge for many women. However, a common denominator is feeling out of control. In particular, it’s about feeling a disconnect between our minds and our bodies. A binge eating episode can be characterized as an out-of-body experience, a form of dissociation. Many women relate that they can’t even taste the food they are eating; they tune out, zone out, don’t feel, don’t connect. As Malka recently 88

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told me: “I know intellectually that I don’t want to be eating a whole tin of brownies, but I literally just can’t stop! It’s so stupid because I’m not going to lose weight this way and I know I’ll feel horrible after but I keep doing it anyway. I have no control over myself during these episodes.”

stainless steel handle on the refrigerator door? The plastic wrap covering the cake? Or try targeting a physical sensation, such as: Do I feel hot? Cold? Are my hands or feet clammy? Is my heart racing? Choose whatever comes most easily to your attention.

Learning to feel our feelings and meet our emotional needs can definitely help heal our relationship with food. Yet I’d like to introduce another important component to recovery from unwanted eating behaviors: I call it the check-in method. You see, bingeing leads us to feel “checked out.” I tell my clients: Don’t try to avoid checking out. Just check in before you check out! This approach is not about refraining from those brownies or chocolates. It’s about taking a millisecond to become aware of a physical sensation before the binge. Next, invite curiosity and see what happens.

The options are endless. There is no right or wrong way to do these exercises. In fact, after I gave Malka examples of the check-in method, she came up with her own idea that worked for her. “I decided to take my glasses off my face and put them back on. I try to feel the frame of my glasses on my nose and behind my ears. In the beginning I felt a lot of resistance doing this, I felt like it was a pathetic thing to do and wouldn’t make any difference in my eating. But Shira, you continued to remind me to be patient throughout our work so I knew I had to be patient here too. I knew that I was learning a new skill, and the more I practiced the easier it would become. Surprisingly enough, I noticed changes: I didn’t eat as many brownies and I didn’t totally lose myself as much as I used to. Never in my life would I have thought that checking in with my glasses would keep me from checking out of my body."

An excellent place to start is to put your attention to your feet. Do they feel the floor underneath them? Can you wiggle your toes to cue your brain that you’re standing on solid ground? One client told me when she paused to feel her feet she noticed that her pace of grabbing the pretzels in front of her slowed down. Grounding is a well-known method of calming the nervous system and connecting a person with the here and now. Certainly an important antidote to the binge-driven disconnect.

“I know intellectually that I don’t want to Malka noticed exciting changes as a result of checking in, but be eating a whole tin keep in mind that the check-in approach is not necessarily going of brownies, but I to stop our overeating or rid us of unwanted weight. Our relationship literally just can’t with food is multifaceted, affected Using our breath is another powby emotional, mental, behavioral, and stop!” erful way to connect our body to the here and now. When we inhale through our nose, the activation in our nervous system is lessened. There is no “right” way to breathe; counting our breaths, visualizing the words “inhale” and “exhale,” or simply becoming aware to take a breath or two can cue the body into being present. Another way of checking in before checking out is noticing one’s environment in a sensory capacity. What do I see? One client told me she would literally say out loud: “The bowl is blue. The walls are beige. The ice cream is white.” What do I hear? For example, “I hear my baby crying.” ”The music’s blasting.” “The children are laughing.” “The rain is falling.” What do I smell? Maybe food? Maybe fresh laundry? A sour smell from the trash can? Our sense of touch can work for us as well. Is there something solid I can touch in this very moment? The

nutritional considerations. In presenting the check-in before checking out approach, my intention is to address one component of the phenomenon of dissociation that happens when we binge or emotionally eat. Learning to connect to our bodily sensations in the moment is one of many ways we can help ourselves. When those donuts are calling your name late at night after the family Chanukah gathering (of course you couldn’t eat the donuts in front of everyone at the party; everyone knows you’re on a “diet”!), instead of fretting that you’ll turn into a hippo at the end of Chanukah, try the check-in method. Feel your feet on the ground. Wiggle your toes. Look around you. Gaze at the glowing candles. Take two deep breaths. You might still eat those donuts, but you will be more present when you do so. And that in itself is a great gift you can give yourself.

Shira Savit, MA, MHC, INHC, is a mental health counselor with multiple certifications in nutrition and health. She specializes in weight loss, emotional eating, and binge eating. Shira incorporates both nutritional and emotional components in helping her clients reach their goals. Shira has a private practice in Yerushalayim and works with women in any location via phone call or video session. She can be contacted at 516-978-7800, shira@cucumbersandchocolate.com, or via her website: cucumbersandchocolate.com.

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WELLBEING FEATURE

Self-Care That Happens Through Giving An enlightening revelation

By Leah Katz

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WELLBEING FEATURE

did have, and there was very little left for me to share with the kids when they came home from school every day. When his rebbi voiced concern about Chaim’s behavior in class, my initial feeling was overwhelming guilt. Next came hopelessness. I was so tired of being tired, entirely drained of any physical or emotional reserves. It felt like even if someone would suction my insides, nothing—absolutely nothing—would emerge. I forced myself to focus on what my child was experiencing, and I knew there was one remedy I could provide. Thus, the following week, on a clear, warm July morning, the subject of our concern waved his younger brother off on the cheder bus and beamed as he waited patiently for our taxi to arrive.

We settle on the wet grass around the lake, my five-yearold son and I, the moisture seeping into my skin, lending authenticity to the nature all around. I point out a row of young geese with bobbing heads as they wade behind their mother in the calm water. Sitting beside me, my son is talking nonstop. About the water, the ducks, the snack he brought along, the ones his friend often shares, that his class may be arriving in cheder just now, and did they notice that he’s not there yet?

When it seems the words inside him have been spent, he falls silent, then stands up and walks over to the deck overlooking the lake. I narrow my eyes, blurring my vision of the beauty that surrounds. The figure of a middle-aged man walking along the path across the lake flits by, footsteps pounding rhythmically on the concrete as he nears our spot. The trees sway all around, rustling in the breeze, and I vaguely wonder if there are bears around this area. The past while had been a chain of the nausea, fatigue, and sleep of my first trimester. When we noticed our son twitching his eye with increasing frequency, my husband and I weren’t very surprised. He had been acting out of sorts, and I suspected it had everything to do with my lack of physical energy and emotional focus. Keeping up with everyday tasks was draining me of the little bit of energy I 92

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And here we are, at the lake, the sun glittering off the calm water and reflecting on bright yellow and blue slides nearby. I inhale slowly, breathing in the scent of life all around, trees and berries and grass and ducks and the breath of the boy sitting beside me, then exhale the tension of the preceding weeks. After davening on the wet grass (“Is my class davening now?”), and eating a special snack from the bag I brought along (“Do you think it’s recess time in cheder already?”), then discussing how a mother can sometimes not feel good and how she soon gets better (“I’ll have you in mind when I say Tehillim”), we head to the park exit. I drop off a glowing child at the door of his classroom, a note in his briefcase explaining his late arrival. Sitting outside later that afternoon, I watch a surprisingly content five-year-old collecting twigs to build a make-believe bonfire along with the other neighborhood children and note the energizing warmth inside me. I went to the park to give my son what he lacked, yet I myself felt better than I had in weeks. It was similar to something I’d experienced a couple of weeks earlier, I noted. It had been an ordinary Monday that began with overwhelming tiredness; my three-year old was running a fever that had kept him and myself awake for most of the night. After a quick nap, we headed for the doctor. On the way there, I noted that he was actually looking much better, almost humoring the night’s drama. The doctor confirmed that it must have just been

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WELLBEING FEATURE

a short virus, so I took advantage of the day off by heading across the street to run an errand. As I paid for my purchase, the sky outside the storefront window suddenly darkened and released a torrent of rain. Hungry and tired, I spontaneously decided to head next door to a small café and enjoy a served lunch before heading home.

similar contentedness and verve, a sudden memory of the time a woman in the neighborhood arranged an Innate Health workshop in her home came to mind. After the first two days of the seminar had passed, she asked for volunteers to share any practical changes implemented from the insights discussed during the first two days.

We entered the warm shop, heady with the aroma of sweet dough and spicy sauces, and settled at a table. My son stared, wide-eyed, at the couch along the wall and the food being served by various waitresses, eying the mug of coffee the woman sitting closest to him was sipping. The pitter-patter of rain on the front windows made the tiny table feel cozy amid the crowd of lunchtime patrons.

One woman shared with the group that she had finally taken the time to treat herself to a beauty nap, the energy allowing her to get through the afternoon with her children in good cheer. Another spoke of how she had splurged on a massage, and how pampered and cared for it made her feel. Then, a middle-aged woman told us about the oversized pot of soup she’d cooked, later inviting her children to come and share its bubbling contents. She explained how when each of her grandchildren came to pick up their family’s container of soup, she took the time to really see each one, savoring the moment of connection and the simple beauty of giving to her offspring in such a nurturing manner.

“Can I have a coffee?” my son asked, eyes crinkling at the edges as he pushed the only-on-Shabbos limit in this unusual setting. I hesitated for a moment. Coffee, on a sick day? But then I focused on the child sitting across from me, and on the change of routine that was ours to share. I waved to a passing waitress and asked her for a hot cocoa and pasta dish.

And here we are, at the lake, the sun glittering off the calm water and reflecting on bright yellow and blue slides nearby. I inhale slowly, breathing in the scent of life all around.

My little companion was kicking the underside of the table, eyes scanning the spotlights on the ceiling. “Mommy,” he suddenly said. “Is Chaim also coming?” “No, Chaim is in cheder, remember? He isn’t coming home until after we get back,” I explained. “So, it’s just you and me? Really? Let’s schmooze here.” I smiled as I reassured him that, yes, we would schmooze! And schmooze we did. About the weather, his friends, the long bus ride home from cheder each day. As the pasta and hot cocoa were consumed, I focused my full attention on the important conversation with my little boy. Thinking about how the two outings had filled me with 94

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I muse about the grandmother kissing her granddaughter’s soft cheek as she hands over a tightly wrapped container of her love, appreciating the moment as it is experienced. The glint in my child’s eye as he sits across from me, our mouths pursed around straws in a shared cup of hot cocoa. The relaxed shoulders of my five-year-old as he peers intently into the depths of a lake, searching for the toad that had just ducked under, then jumps up and down, pulling my skirt, pointing to the elusive little froggy head. The eyes of children and parents sharing moments of mindfulness and connection as little game pieces move across boards and Lego tiles are piled to create a mini castle. And, like the tiles of a puzzle sliding into place to reveal the elusive design, I finally appreciate that giving to my children and taking care of my own fulfillment can be one and the same.

Let’s spread the love!

New!

Gefen Flavored Mayos will just as quickly enhance a salmon steak as a breaded chicken cutlet sandwich. These superb condiments are conveniently packaged for clean and easy application. Available in Creamy Dill, Garlic, Spicy and Volcano WELLSPRING / KISLEV 5782

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Crack of Light 96

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By Shiffy Friedman

At a time of year when the flickering candles usher light and warmth into the dark, cold nights, we gain a renewed appreciation of the power of just one crack of light—and for those who trudge in the darkness. What is life like for individuals struggling with clinical depression and from where do they gather the courage to keep seeking the light? Six brave women speak of their bleak moments, and also their personal miracles.

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The Warriors

Faigy, 21 Out-of-town US community

Hannah, 40 Boston, Massachusetts

Malky, 21 Brooklyn, New York

Ariella, 32 Detroit, Michigan

Esti, 35 Brooklyn, New York

Shoshana, 51 Los Angeles, California

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In the Dark

How long ago were you diagnosed?

Faigy I was first diagnosed at age 13 after struggling severely for two years. When I was 18 and in seminary, I had a severe relapse and am still struggling from that. When I was diagnosed for the second time, it came along with multiple other diagnoses: anxiety, borderline personality disorder, and later, anorexia.

Ariella I received a diagnosis of postpartum depression five years ago, at the age of 27.

Esti About 20 years ago, at around the age of 15.

Hannah I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at age 16, in 11th grade, mostly the depression side.

Malky I was diagnosed in the middle of 10th grade, approximately six years ago.

Shoshana I’ve been in therapy since I was 18, but I was first diagnosed with cyclothymia, a less severe form of bipolar disorder, when I was 20. My diagnosis changed to ADHD and bipolar disorder II—hypomania with severe depression—four years ago.

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In the Dark

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What were your original symptoms?

Faigy I couldn’t get out of bed for weeks at a time. I couldn’t feel anything—not sad, happy, angry, or upset. After a few months, I started entertaining suicidal thoughts. This chain of events transpired before both my diagnoses. You may wonder how anyone “normal” can go through that, but I assure you that if you saw me on the street now you would never know. Even while it was happening, only my close friends were able to tell that something was not okay.

Hannah My original symptoms were inability to concentrate or make conversation, very flat affect (lack of mood, just very blah, no expression), a lot of fear and anxiety about looking and acting depressed, which was extremely out of character for me—I was pretty popular and talkative. Now my symptoms are usually being silent and spaced out, with no light in my eyes.

Malky I was lonely and very wary of making friends. Since I wasn’t comfortable with who I was as a person, I was scared that if others got to know me, they would drop me like a hot potato. I got annoyed very quickly and then agonized over my reaction for hours. I wasn’t able to fall asleep until late at night or even into the early morning hours and then I would sleep late and show up late to school. To this day, I suffer from insomnia. I wouldn’t eat until 1 or 2 o’clock every day and then overeat at lunch and dinner. I was very judgmental of myself—of my moral decisions, of my body image. I was almost always in my head, wasn’t doing well in classes, and I was constantly overwhelmed between my home life and school. Since I didn’t want any of my classmates to know (it was still very stigmatized at the time), and I was scared of being judged, I felt very alone, like I was the only one with such feelings. I would come home from school every day and crash from the stress of keeping up the pretense that I was fine.

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Ariella What started out as baby blues quickly turned into something much more draining and heavy. It wasn’t just that I felt the need to cry every few minutes, or that I snapped easily at my husband and others. It was more of a deep yearning to just get out of this dark, empty hole but feeling that there was no way out. Esti My symptoms began in sleepaway camp in August 2000, some of which included: difficulty sleeping, difficulty swallowing food, heart racing, and making nasty comments, which were completely out of character for me. These symptoms disappeared after a short while. One morning, in the beginning of 10th grade, I started emitting very queer sounds, like that of a rusty swing going back and forth. Alarmed, my mother took me to our pediatrician, Dr. Bulmash, who put us in touch with Rabbi Dr. Abraham J. Twerski zt”l. After seeing a psychiatrist who put me on medication to manage my symptoms, I still felt completely alone and in the dark. I didn’t understand what was going on with me and desperately wanted to meet one other person going through something similar.

Shoshana I was seeing an excellent therapist for about three years. When she went away for a few days, her substitute started her first session by asking me some basic questions. Do you have trouble sleeping? Are you often impulsive? Do you do things “big?” I answered yes to many of her questions, and then she said, “Do you think you might have bipolar disorder?” I didn’t know what to answer. My therapist returned and I talked to her about it. I asked her, “What do you think?” She said it wouldn’t hurt to see a psychiatrist—either to rule out the condition or confirm it. I did, and I was placed on medication.

In the Dark

Can you share one memorable incident from the time when you felt alone and “in the dark?”

Faigy I was in seminary, and I couldn’t go anywhere for Shabbos Chanukah (due to a medical issue). I was lying in my bed, severely depressed and feeling very alone. A good friend of mine saw how hard it was for me, and she ended up staying with me over Shabbos Chanukah to make sure I was okay.

Not Your Fault By Zahava List

Hannah My best friend Sarah would sit in the back of our 12th-grade classroom with me and we’d sing “Gam ki eilech” together while all the other girls carried on their conversations. Singing has always gotten me through my worst moments.

Ariella When I was home by myself once with my newborn, feeling horribly alone and down, a neighbor knocked on the door. She had come over just to bring me some homemade cookies and a note, but she ended up staying with me for a long, long time. I so appreciated having a shoulder to cry on—and also someone who had “been there,” so she was able to truly understand where I was at.

One challenge with depression is overcoming self-blame. When we’re in a depressed or anxious state, we often ask ourselves, rather impatiently, “Can’t you just snap out of this?” If we can overcome that hurdle and be able to let go of that self-blame, we’ll find that we actually get out of it faster (with the right intervention). Would someone with a broken foot blame themselves for limping? This is nothing to be ashamed of. It is Hashem’s doing, with a tailor-made purpose. When we work on accepting ourselves and the package He sends us, we find meaning in our struggles. WELLSPRING / KISLEV 5782

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How are things different for you today?

Faigy Today, I am able to get up and go through my days just like everyone else. There are always hiccups and nothing is perfect, but you would never know. I work 11 hours a day at two different jobs. I have a social life, I’m in college, and I’m always around for people who need me. Yes, I have to take some pills every day and I need to go to therapy, but that doesn’t take away from the amazing things life has to offer.

Hannah I’m much more educated about depression and its treatment, both medicinal and lifestyle interventions. I know my main triggers: overloading my schedule with too many activities; being around negative or cynical people; gray, dark weather; isolation from good people; and lack of sleep and exercise. I also have a husband and children, baruch Hashem, who depend on me, and I am actively involved in my community.

Ariella Baruch Hashem, my depression is the kind that mainly occurs postpartum, so once it was dealt with during that time, I was able to lead a very productive, happy life. There are times I feel down just like every other human being, and I make sure to take it easy and give my sadness its space so I can move on.

Esti The first time I was admitted to the psych ward was 13 years ago, when my oldest child was about 4 weeks old. That was my worst experience ever and I don’t wish it on anyone. The staff at the time reminded me of what I would read about the KGB or Gestapo. I was also hospitalized more recently, about three years ago, and had a very positive experience, so things have drastically improved.

Shoshana Malky Today I have a group of friends who are either enduring depression and anxiety symptoms or some other form of a mental health issue and I know that I’m not alone. I was baruch Hashem able to leave the place that caused a lot of my mental health struggles and am working with my therapist to improve my depressive symptoms. 102

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My condition is particularly hard because it keeps taking me on a roller-coaster ride—I can experience extreme ups and downs in one day. I do still find myself in these dark places from time to time, but I do what I can to get out of it. I envision Hashem carrying me through and that He’s with me every step of the way. Even when I feel so alone, I’m not alone. When I remind myself of that, and that this is all for my good, it helps me pull it together.

emerging

What has kept you going in hard times?

Faigy Friends. Knowing that when things get really hard, I can always pick up the phone and there’ll be someone on the other end who truly cares about me—and will remind me of everything I can and want to be—makes all the difference. I don’t know where I would be without my amazing friends. Another gift in my life that has kept me going is the organization Chazkeinu, a support program for Jewish women struggling with mental illness. The friends I have made through Chazkeinu are like no others. They know what it’s like to be going through all of this. They are there with you in the pain and hardship.

Ariella The connection I’ve forged with Hakadosh Baruch Hu—talking to Him always, and sharing my inner world with Him. My husband’s support has been a lifesaver for me, and so has the rest of my family. It helps to have a few good friends who understand me, too.

Esti My family and Chazkeinu’s support are what keep me going during hard times.

Hannah My Torah learning. I have three weekly shiurim I take with my three favorite teachers: Rebbetzin Jaeger, Rebbetzin Kalazan, and Rebbetzin Smiles. I also take classes with our rav and principal of the school. Additionally, I have two regular chavrusas: one with my mother on Pirkei Avos and another with a friend on my block on Shabbos. Filling my brain with stimulating and comforting Torah thoughts keeps me from getting depressed.

Malky My therapy sessions, my support group of friends and family, and music.

Shoshana The close friends I’ve made over the years who can relate to my struggles have been an invaluable resource of support. I do a lot of self-care, including yoga every single morning before I start my day. A treatment known as TCS (transcranial magnetic simulation) has helped me a lot. Tehillim has been another incredible anchor for me, as well, and chessed also helps so much. I help Zahava List with her programs, often stepping in as a peer moderator. The more I help others, the happier I become.

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How have you changed as a person due to your experiences?

Faigy I have become a more understanding and caring person because I’ve been through so much in life. Because I have struggled with my emotions, I am much more aware of other people’s feelings, as well.

My challenges have made me appreciate “regular life” and the hurdles that come along with it so much. I only experienced depression after the birth of my second child, not my first. I don’t remember appreciating my healthy baby and the uneventful birth experience half as much as I did the subsequent gifts Hashem sent my way.

Hannah I’m a much deeper person than most and I deeply appreciate all the berachos Hashem keeps granting me, from the working dishwasher in my kitchen, to the bright sunny day, to my husband and kids. I find myself tapping into my experiences in my job counseling patients.

Malky I’m a much stronger person, emotionally and physically, than I once was. I’m a loyal friend—I stick it out with a friend through thick and thin. I’ve gotten a lot better at not being a pushover; I’m not afraid to make noise when I see something that’s wrong, or if someone says or does something unpleasant to me or to someone I care about.

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Esti My challenges have definitely made me into a more sensitive and understanding human being. Three years ago, thanks to Zahava List of Chazkeinu, and Hamaspik, I began my online training to become a licensed peer specialist. That has become my career. Helping others see the light beyond their mental health challenges gives me chizuk and lends meaning to the struggles I went through.

Shoshana At 51, I believe that going through life in general matures us. We learn from our own and others’ mistakes. But having gone through what I’ve gone through, in particular, I’m such a different person. I’ve become more self-aware, more in tune with my and other people’s emotions.

emerging

What do you wish people would know about depression?

Faigy Having depression doesn’t mean you’re always sad, or that you’re a negative person. Depression doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you. Depression does mean that you have a chemical imbalance in your brain. Depression does mean that you have an issue that can be treated. I also want people to realize that some people’s depression reaches a point where they require hospitalization. People who are admitted to the hospital are not crazy. They have normal lives just like you. I know because I’ve been there more than once. Almost everyone in the hospital has a job or is in college; they have an established life. They are just struggling in a way that is too hard for you to understand.

Hannah It’s not enough to just take pills. One must put immense effort into not only staying stable but thriving in society. Self-care is extremely important, and one must learn how to say no when too many responsibilities are being piled on them. I follow a book called The Depression Cure by Dr. Stephen Ilardi, which discusses six lifestyle elements that are necessary to prevent depression: sunlight, socialization, exercise, omega 3 fats, mental stimulation, and sleep. I would also add music to the list because that is my passion.

Malky Just because I have a smile on my face doesn’t mean I’m doing okay. I would want people to be more hesitant before labeling someone as lazy or irresponsible.

Ariella That it’s a real thing. It’s not about “push yourself harder.” It’s about really being unable to function. If you find that normal daily functioning is too taxing for you, you can do yourself and your family the greatest chessed by taking care of the issue.

Shoshana Just like diabetes or a broken leg, clinical depression requires intervention and guidance. So many people are living “normal” lives and yet inside they’re in a tremendous amount of pain. Depression doesn’t look one particular way; the majority of the people struggling with it are functioning and no one would know they’re depressed. I don’t think people realize how common it is in our community, and how much they can help themselves—and their families—with the right treatment.

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How has your family been impacted by your situation?

Faigy My family had to deal with my hospitalizations as well as answering everyone’s questions about my whereabouts. When I’m very depressed, I cannot do anything around the house, so everyone else needs to pick up my slack. And, of course, my family needs to deal emotionally with having a family member who struggles with mental illness.

Hannah My husband and children were quite frightened by my high level of anxiety. When I had electroconvulsive therapy treatments (ECT) early in the morning at the hospital, teenagers from the neighborhood came to help my kids get ready for school. It was a very difficult time but people in the community really came through for us. I will never forget the chessed that our community did for us during that time.

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Malky Family is a complex issue for me. I’m very careful with whom I share my mental health struggles. Those who know I’m struggling are very supportive and know to give me my space when I feel overwhelmed.

Ariella My husband had to be both father and mother to our children while I was “in the dark,” and many other family members stepped in to help out as well. It has certainly cemented our relationship in a deep way.

Shoshana It’s hard for them. When I’m hypomanic, they don’t know what they’ll get and that’s stressful. I can become very impatient, irritable, and easily angered. The unpredictability of my moods is probably the hardest part.

the light

If you’d have to define the moment when you came out of the “darkness” and into the “light,” what would it be?

Faigy I learned to make my darkness into light during a specifically difficult time, when I had no physical energy and I couldn’t even go to work. I was feeling very low when a relative of mine whose husband was struggling invited me over to help her. This brought me into the light of acceptance. She knew I was struggling but she still wanted me to come. I went to her, and she was there to support me in my struggles as well as have me help her around the house. She brought the light out of me in my dark times. Another individual who brought light into my darkness, and continues to do so, is a 12th-grade teacher of mine. When I began treatment for my depression after seminary, my treatment included group therapy in a non-Jewish setting. To counteract that exposure, my parents asked me to connect with a teacher to learn with her. Over the past few years, this teacher has brought rays of light into the darkness. She sent me care packages when I was in the hospital, always gives me the support I need, and spoke to family members to aid them in understanding my situation. She’s been a light in my darkness.

Hannah When I was last hospitalized for depression, I requested that a rabbi chaplain come visit me. Of course, they sent a Reconstructionist female rabbi who did a meshabeirach that included “Sarah, Rivkah, Rachel, and Leah” for equality. Despite this, she knew every Carlebach song ever written and we sang together for an hour. It reminded me of who I really was and that I still had that spirit in me. I asked for a journal to write in, and I made a list of 100 songs that I love in the notebook. I still have the notebook and refer to it when I want to sing on Friday night with my daughters. It is my “From Darkness to Light” journal.

Ariella On my baby’s first birthday, I remember sitting by her crib and shedding tears of joy, watching her sleep so peacefully, unaware of the journey we’d taken together. After the rough months we’d been through, it was a moment where I was able to look back and put the past in the past, which was very beautiful and healing.

Malky When I was in seminary, going to the Kosel every Sunday night was the light in my darkness.

Shoshana Esti My moment occurred when I picked up the phone, dialed Chazkeinu, and spoke to Zahava List for the first time (in August 2016). Joining the various programs has been fun, fulfilling, and inspiring at the same time.

For me, every time I gave birth, I experienced that joy. I’ve been married for 28 years, and we have six children. Right before I met my husband, someone suggested that I go off my medication. I did, and things were okay. From the time before I met my husband until my fifth child was two years old, I was off medication, and it worked. My hypothesis is that the nursing and pregnancy hormones helped balance out my moods.

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Having a Dark Day? 7 tips to usher in the light

While severe depression requires clinical intervention, experiencing a low mood every now and then (especially on gray, cold days) is part and parcel of our humanness—and as Yidden in galus. Here are six ways to lift your spirits and welcome joy into your heart.

Business as usual When the lows hit, it’s tempting to stay under the covers or make it a “lazy day.” While that may suit us in the moment, this decision—or non-decision—ends up backfiring, pulling us further into nothingness mode. We’re best off resuming our day as we usually would, getting dressed and maintaining our typical routine. Even if we feel like we’re just “doing the motions,” the productivity and semblance of order will do our spirits well.

Switch on the light In bleak moments, our mind is especially prone to taking a trip down the dark road. We’re bound to notice what we’re lacking, what others owe us, how difficult life is—the awful misery of our circumstances. While this may seem arduous or preposterous, making a mental effort to see the good will pay off tenfold. Become your best lawyer persona, finding the most positive counterargument for every negative thought.

Treat yourself While maintaining your regular routine, find pockets of time throughout the day to give yourself some slack. Whether it’s takeout (or tuna sandwiches) for supper, a coffee date with yourself, a phone conversation with a good friend, or listening to your favorite music (which can do wonders in lifting spirits), today is the day to be kind to yourself. While you’re in treating mode, keep in mind that you’re best off avoiding foods that lead to a mood drop—such as sugar and refined grains. Instead, opt for nutritious dishes that nourish the body and spirit.

Engage in physical activity, and get enough sleep The serotonin injection that exercise generates is an incredible mood booster. If you’re ever tempted to cross the gym or a brisk walk off your to-do list, today shouldn’t be that day. Another important lifestyle tip is getting adequate sleep. Among other disadvantages, running low on this critical fuel leads to irritability and impedes our functioning.

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Talk it out Whether you choose to confide in your spouse, sibling, parent, or a friend, get the difficult feelings off your chest. Unburdening to Hashem provides a deep sense of comfort—He’s always there, always listening. If strong negative emotions come up for you, let the tears flow unchecked. Allowing the sadness to surface—and leave—is supremely cathartic.

Happiness Dose As several of this article’s “warriors” concurrently relate, one quick way to pull ourselves out of the rut is by giving. While this may seem counterintuitive, when we find it within ourselves to look beyond that dark and overwhelming cloud to see another, and we can reach out with a good word or a kind gesture to make someone’s day (besides for this being a great chessed), this is a great way to boost ourselves with a hefty dose of feel-good meds.

This too shall pass As difficult as this sadness is in the moment, remind yourself that today will soon become tomorrow’s yesterday. And tomorrow may just be your sunniest day yet. Amen!

Shedding LighT By Zahava List, founder of Chazkeinu A peer-support organization for Jewish women with mental illness

As someone who’s been living with mental illness for over 16 years, what helped me come to terms with my circumstances was bringing meaning to my pain. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder I—severe depression with fullblown mania—after the birth of my first baby. I’ve been hospitalized several times following psychotic episodes, and I have undergone ECT, a medical treatment used in patients with severe major depression or bipolar disorder that has not responded to other treatments. While I’ve always made sure to get the professional help I needed, including psychiatrists and therapists, I found that another invaluable resource to the healing process—in conjunction with the help—was peer support. Five and a half years ago, having observed how peer support impacted my own healing, I founded Chazkeinu, geared especially toward Jewish women with mental illness. Going through what I’ve been through and the emotional pain that comes with it can be arduous because mental illness is so often misunderstood. That my illness was never able to be kept under wraps (psychotic episodes aren’t especially private occurrences) turned out be a gift for me because my best coping mechanism has been to share my journey with others—it

helped me process my reality and helped others feel okay with themselves, as well. Through my work at Chazkeinu, I’ve learned that what helps me more than anything is knowing that no matter how hard it is, I always have it in me to give. By giving chizuk, I get chizuk. If we look at the candles in the menorah, we notice that while each candle gives light to the other, none of them “lose” light. On the contrary, we gain more light as we give. On the Yom Tov that’s centered on miracles, my hope is to have a gathering where everyone can share their miracles of recovery. In the depths of my illness, when my ability to engage in basic functions—like getting up in the morning—took so much effort, I didn’t imagine I’d ever be where I am today. Not only have I survived those bleak times, but I’ve been privileged to inspire and share with others. It’s a miracle that I am where I am today. My nature has always been to be the passive one. To take the initiative and create a network for peer support is clearly lemaalah min hateva; Hashem has been leading me by the hand. The skills and coping mechanisms I’ve learned to embrace are incredible. Sometimes, when things fall apart, we can build them back even better. Realizing that is a miracle in itself.

In her practice as an LMSW, Shiffy Friedman realized that her knowledge in psychology was not helpful in healing the infinitely profound nefesh. An intensive search led her to discover the Torah’s direction toward a more connected life. To sign up to receive Shiffy’s weekly message on this subject, write to emotionalwellnessthroughTorah@gmail.com.

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INNER PARENTING

What Their Actions Tells Children About Themselves How to issue commands in a way that builds a child’s sense of self By Rabbi Ezra Friedman There’s a powerful principle in toras hanefesh that our actions impact our personality. We already know that our character influences our deeds, but the opposite is true, as well. How does this work? Just as we learn about others based on their actions—we perceive someone who performs benevolent deeds as kindhearted— the same is true vis-à-vis ourselves. When we engage in positive actions, there’s a place in us that takes note and we perceive ourselves in this positive light. It’s this improved perspective of ourselves that leads to the performance of more positive actions. In other words, even if I may not see myself as the kindest person, if 110

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I actively choose to engage in kind deeds, my core will be impacted. If I want to become more serious about my Yiddishkeit, for example, by dedicating more time for Torah learning—an action—my penimiyus will change, as well. By carrying out proper external actions, we are able to bring about positive internal change. The Sefer HaChinuch famously teaches that “Adam nifal kefi peulosav,” the actions one engages in have an impact on him. The 16th mitzvah in the Torah, in which the Chinuch teaches us this important phenomenon, prohibits one from breaking a bone from the korban Pesach. In explaining the reasoning for this com-

mandment, the Chinuch writes that since we’re of royal blood, of distinguished lineage, it’s improper for us to engage in this deed. But what if I don’t feel this dignified? Says the Chinuch: “Man is influenced by his actions.” By avoiding activities that are antithetical to this dignified essence and by engaging in those that reflect it, your core will be impacted. This is an important principle in self-development. It’s certainly a good idea to explore our inner world and note what may be hindering our growth in a particular area, but if we wait for the day our internal core will change—whether to become a happier person, more industrious, or more sensitive—we may have to wait indefinitely. Rather, by acting lemaisah, by starting from the outside in, engaging in actions that reflect the traits we aspire to acquire, we will be pleasantly surprised to watch the internal improvement take place. We’ll learn about ourselves based on our actions, and we’ll start to view ourselves differently as a result. Do the stuff a motivated person does, and you’ll become that motivated person. Do the stuff a happy person does, and you’ll become that happy person. The Child’s Developing Sense of Self As important as this principle is in self-development, its value is ex-

ponentially more critical in terms of parenting. When our children are young, their emotional world is delicate. They’re vulnerable to the messages we keep sending their way, whether about themselves or the world they live in. In contrast to adults, who already have a self-perception, children are still in the process of learning about themselves, of building those perceptions. They’re in learning mode, open to absorbing their place in this world. As we’ve discussed above, one of the ways through which we learn about ourselves is through the actions we engage in. For a child, who is actively in the mode of learning about himself, this is true tenfold. He observes his conduct and based upon that, comes to conclusions about himself: I do the right thing, so I’m a good person. I listen to my parents, so I’m a listening kind of kid. I like to do my schoolwork, so I’m a conscientious student. Because the conclusions the child comes to become part and parcel of his self-identity, we as parents know that if a child will probably not obey a certain instruction or rule we set for him, we’re best off not issuing it. The moment a child disobeys or is unable to comply with guidelines that are set for him, there’s a place within him that draws the conclusion: I’m not a good kid. As parents, we want to do whatever we can to avoid conveying such messages, even indirectly. One way to do so is to refrain from issuing a direct command when we know, or are almost sure, the child won’t follow through. (If we find that a child doesn’t listen to any or most of our commands, it’s wise to look more deeply into the issue.) It’s important to note that this does not mean that we should start doubting every command we issue. It does not undermine our place of authority in the home in any way and we should not be treading so delicately around our children that they forget

their place in the relationship. What it does mean is for us to exercise some level of honesty when stepping into command mode. Of course, we would love for our children to obey our every command, especially in regard to ruchniyus. Of course he should bensch from a siddur, wash negel vasser every morning, make his berachos out loud. Of course she should go into the bath at this hour, do her homework at that hour, and play nicely with her little sister. But we also know the truth. We know which commands are out of reach for them, and which ones are supremely difficult. We know which kids get so preoccupied with what they’re doing that they won’t be able to pay attention to our orders, and which ones find it hard to share. Aside from the disappointment we’ll experience when our command is ignored, and the ensuing battle that may erupt in the home (because a child who doesn’t follow a command will need to take responsibility for it in some way), we also risk having the child build unnecessary negative assumptions about himself. And so, before we issue a direct command, we would be wise to take a moment or two to ascertain: What are the chances that this child will listen? If we predict anything less than 75 percent, we’re best off going about the command in a different way (such as in question form or through offering an incentive), rather than issuing it directly. “See? I’m a Good Kid!” On a more positive note, the concept that a child judges himself based on his actions or inactions can also play a very positive role in our parenting. We can use this universal phenomenon to help build the child’s positive self-image. How so? As a child draws conclusions about himself based on his deeds, when we know a child is likely to do what they’re told, we can take advantage

of the opportunity to request it of them. In this way, the child will “prove” to himself that he’s the kind of kid who obeys, the kind of kid who listens (See? I’m such a good kid!), and this will strengthen his positive self-perception. Stronger evidence builds a stronger case. When you know that your child will be doing something anyway, utilize the opportunity to issue a command. If you see that your child is about to sing zemiros at the Shabbos table, or sit down to a meal, throw in a short, pleasant sentence to direct them toward it, so in the child’s subconscious mind the message of “I’m listening to my parent” will be reinforced. Even as adults, we feel good when we follow rules or engage in positive deeds. How much more powerful and positive are these kind of occurrences for a child, whose sense of self is still under construction. Another benefit of issuing a command when we know a child will obey—and withholding a command when we know the child will not— relates to a topic we discussed in a previous article: building authority. The more times a child obeys our command, the more it reinforces our place as the authority figure in their life. While our place as the parent in the home is that of the authority figure, it’s worthwhile for us to take a moment before we issue a command to ascertain what the outcome might be. When we’re asking for something we know may be too difficult, or out of character, for the child, it’s wise to rethink our mode of instruction so we can help the child build a more positive sense of self, and retain our place as the authority figure in the home. By paying attention to this principle, we will find various opportunities for interactions throughout the day to help our children build a most positive self-image, with the help of Hashem.

Rabbi Ezra Friedman coaches bachurim and men in their quest toward leading a meaningful life with inner peace and contentment. Through a Torah and Chassidus perspective, he guides individuals to understand and connect to themselves and to their inner emotional world. He lives with his family in Yerushalayim.

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Load up the fun at your Chanukah party

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MOVE OVER, FINGER FOODS CHARNIE'S IDEAS FOR SKEWER FOODS

OILS 101 GET ACQUAINTED WITH 6 OF THE MOST COMMON OILS

KEEP IT LITE THE PERFECT CHEESE LATKES FOR YOUR DAIRY MEAL

134 Greasing the System By Esti Asher, MS, RDN, LD

137 Energize By Elky Friedman

117 Load Up the Fun By Yossi & Malky Levine

125 Skewer Party By Charnie Kohn

131 SWAP By Yossi & Malky Levine

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142 How Do You Oil? Wellspring Contributors

EDITOR'S NOTE

Dear Cooks,

Our contributors did an excellent job with their intros and recipes, getting me into Chanukah mode weeks before I’d be pulling out the menorahs to be polished. There’s something about Chanukah that transcends words; something that touches the heart in a way that’s uniquely specific to the Yom Tov. And so many of our positive associations revolve around, yes, food. I recently had a conversation with an intuitive eating counselor whose work has been featured in this publication, and we discussed how it’s just inevitable. When we think of a Yom Tov, there’s no way we won’t be thinking of the foods associated with that Yom Tov. I mean, who doesn’t think of donuts and latkes and all those dairy goodies when the word “Chanukah” is mentioned? But instead of berating ourselves for being so “gluttonous” or “food-minded” or “small-minded” or “shallow,” we’ll be much better off accepting that yes, this too is a way to

connect to the spirit of the day, to celebrate the nissim that have enabled us to endure as a nation until this day.

The beauty, I have found, in enjoying these traditional foods and having a positive experience around them is to eat them mindfully. Instead of grabbing a donut off the counter where it’s draining on a paper towel, I’ll choose to plate it nicely (like I would for my family and guests!), top it to my liking (some extra jelly goes a long way), and sit down at the table where the partying is in full swing. I’ll also prepare lots of nutritious options over the Yom Tov to ensure that the foods that are my and my family’s primary source of sustenance are sensible and good for us. On that end, Elky’s broccoli cheese bites are definitely something I’d like to try, as well as the baked cheese latkes. (I’ll use the Betty Crocker, though, for quicker, easier prep.) Whatever’s on your menu, make it a great Yom Tov!

A freilichen Chanukah,

PINCH OF HEALTH

Esther

While I use olive oil in most of my dishes (inspired by Wellspring!), its smoke point isn’t that high (375°F). For cooking, sautéing, and frying foods, such as on Chanukah, avocado oil is an excellent alternative. Its smoke point (520°F) is even higher than that of canola oil (400°F).

Adina F., Baltimore, Maryland Have a healthy cooking tip to share with the Wellspring community? Please send it to info@wellspringmagazine.com.

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LOAD UP THE FUN Picture a beautifully set table, with all your family members sitting and enjoying fresh latkes and treats as the beautiful menorah lights flicker in the background. There's something so magical about this scene — just thinking about it makes us feel that warmth and happiness. Whether you’ll be enjoying large, extended-family parties or intimate, immediate-family dinners, you’ll be creating everlasting, cherished memories. At this time of year, we’re often asked for interesting party ideas and projects that can be done with family over Chanukah. We’ve decided to focus this particular feature on an idea that can serve as an inspiration to make your Chanukah dinner an interactive family activity. The Build-a-Burger Bar is a fun way to make your Chanukah family dinner special. If your kids are old enough, you can get them involved with the prep too! We love that the meal is customizable, so everyone can make their burger however they wish. For a lower-carb option, omit the buns. We’ve gone with pan-grilled portobello mushrooms instead, and you’d be surprised: with the right combination of toppings, you won’t even miss the bread. A Freilechen Chanukah, Yossi and Malky

Recipes, Styling, and Photography by Yossi & Malky Levine

LOAD UP THE FUN

OR TIPS DEC Use simple, rustic elements such as burlap, twine, metal tins, and chalkboards.

dles in Add can heights varying s to and size ibe. te the v comple

Burgers recipe on page 121

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U CES A S

> ketchup < > mustard < > pesto sauce < > spicy mayo < > garlic aioli <

dreidels e m o s r e Scatt . measure d o o g r o f ed an be us c t in a p .) (Spray e colors h t e t a in to coord

Small c halkboa rds can be used as char gers; the kid s (or yo u!) will love pe rsonaliz ing them w ith chal k.

LOAD UP THE FUN

PI N G S

> purple onion < > caramelized onion < > lettuce < > tomatoes < > pickles < > hot peppers <

PORTOBELLO POWER (Can be used instead of buns.) Heat a small amount of olive oil in a grill pan and grill some large portobello mushrooms. Sprinkle salt and pepper as it cooks.

BEEF BURGER 2 lb ground beef 1 egg ¼ cup bread crumbs 2 Tbsp minced fresh garlic 1 Tbsp shoyu sauce (optional) 1 Tbsp olive oil 1 tsp onion powder 1 tsp salt ½ tsp black pepper

Place all burger ingredients into a large bowl and mix until ingredients are just combined. Heat grill pan or skillet over high heat. Press meat gently into patties and cook for about 4 minutes on each side for medium-done burgers. Don’t overcook or they will dry out. Let sit for 6–8 minutes before serving. Note: Do not move or flip burgers before they’re ready to be flipped. It’s best to leave them in one place so they cook evenly. Yield: 12 mini burgers

CHICKEN BURGER 2 lb ground chicken 1 egg 1 tsp smoked paprika 1 Tbsp garlic, minced 3 scallions, thinly sliced 1 tsp salt ½ tsp black pepper oil, for frying

In a large bowl, combine chicken, egg, paprika, garlic, and scallions, and season with salt and pepper. Divide mixture into 12 patties. In a large skillet over medium heat, heat oil. Add burger patties and cook, flipping once, until golden and a thermometer inserted into the center registers 165°F — about 8 to 10 minutes. Yield: 12 mini burgers

HEART.WORKS

g n i r B the r o v fla e m ho

SCAN QR CODE to make Sara and Yossi Goldsteins' Pulled Chicken Tacos with Knorr Shakshuka sauce.

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SKEWER PARTY The first thing I used to think of when planning my Chanukah menu was finger food. Nowadays, I opt for its upgrade— way neater and much more fun to eat: food on a stick. Doesn’t everything taste better on a skewer? Displaying those sticks on a board (which can be purchased on Amazon.com) dramatically ups their presentation. These boards will make the perfect centerpiece at your next party.

Happy Chanukah and Happy Cooking!

Charnie

Recipes, Styling, and Photography by Charnie Kohn

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SKEWER PARTY

HONEY-MUSTARD POTATO SKEWERS These mini spuds on a stick are perfect little flavor bombs that will create a party in your mouth. Fun to make and so much more fun to eat.

1 lb mini potatoes 2 Tbsp honey 1 Tbsp spicy brown mustard 1 tsp salt ½ tsp chopped garlic ⅛ tsp black pepper

Soak skewers in water for 30 minutes. Place potatoes in pot of cold water and bring to boil. Allow potatoes to simmer for about 10 minutes or until fork tender. Drain potatoes. Once potatoes are cool enough to handle, stick a skewer into each potato and place on greased baking sheet. Using the bottom of a glass, gently smash the potatoes—not all the way, just until the skin breaks. Preheat oven to 425°F. In a small bowl, combine honey, mustard, salt, garlic, and pepper. Mix until smooth. Brush mixture over potatoes and bake for 20 minutes.

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SKEWER PARTY

SALAD ON A STICK Days of partying may have us craving a salad. Prepare these salad sticks and watch them disappear in moments.

Lettuce Cucumbers Cherry tomatoes 6 oz sliced turkey roll

Cut lettuce into two-inch pieces and thinly slice cucumbers. Slice turkey roll into halves. Thread all components onto skewers. Prepare a variety of dressings at the side for easy dipping. Here are three of my favorites.

Maple Mustard Sauce

Spicy Dill Dip

Lemon Garlic Aioli

1/4 cup maple syrup

1/4 cup lite mayonnaise

1 cup lite mayonnaise

1/4 cup olive oil

1 tsp chopped dill

1 1/2 Tbsp lemon juice

2 Tbsp Dijon mustard

1 tsp sriracha

1 tsp minced garlic

1 tsp salt

1 tsp lime juice

1/4 tsp salt

1/8 tsp black pepper

For each dressing, whisk all ingredients together until smooth.

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@BARTENURABLUE

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By Yossi & Malky Levine

Oil Substitutes

Coconut Oil

Coconut oil is the oil derived from the flesh of the coconut palm fruit. It’s solid at room temperature and liquid as soon as the temperature is raised even slightly. Although coconut oil is a saturated fat, it offers various positive health benefits, including raising LDL (the good cholesterol) in your blood. Some research even suggests that it encourages fat burning. When using coconut oil in cooking, melt into liquid form first. Since it generally has a strong flavor, use in dishes that can either benefit from the flavor, or mask its intensity. Coconut oil can also be used as a butter substitute. In that case, it’s best to be kept in the fridge to retain its solidity.

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SWAP

Roasted Vegetable Quiche This pie crust is made with coconut oil instead of margarine. The mouthwatering quiche makes the perfect dairy dish to bring to your family Chanukah party.

Pie Crust 1½ cups whole wheat flour ½ tsp salt ½ cup coconut oil 4 Tbsp cold water Filling 1 eggplant, peeled and cubed 2 red peppers, cut into strips 2 zucchini, cubed olive oil cooking spray 4 eggs 1 cup milk of your choice 1½ tsp salt ½ tsp black pepper ½ cup shredded mozzarella cheese, divided

Preheat oven to 350°F and line a baking sheet with parchment paper; set aside. Prepare two 7-inch round oven-to-table pans. Place flour, salt, and coconut oil in the bowl of a food processor and process until combined. Gradually add cold water, one tablespoon at a time, until a dough is formed. Divide dough into two balls. Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate for half an hour. To prepare the filling: Arrange vegetables on baking sheet and spray with olive oil. Roast for about 35 minutes, stirring once. Roll out the dough so it’s slightly larger than each pie dish and press into the bottom and sides of a dish. Fill both pie crusts with roasted vegetables. Whisk the eggs, milk, salt, and pepper. Add half of cheese and pour over vegetables. Sprinkle with remaining cheese and bake for 40 minutes. Yield: 2 medium quiches

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TIDBITS

GREASING THE SYSTEM

What you need to know about 6 of the most common types of oils By Esti Asher, MS, RDN, LD

Whether in our menorahs or menus, oil enjoys its moment in the spotlight on Chanukah. With so many varieties available, it can be confusing to know which oils may be beneficial to our health and the ideal use for each kind. The following are six of the most common types of oils, their health benefits, and suggestions for use.

Olive

Avocado

One of the most common types of oil, olive oil is a superstar in the nutrition arena. Extra virgin olive oil undergoes the least processing and may therefore be highest in nutrients. Olive oil is rich in monounsaturated fats and antioxidants and is commonly used raw, such as in dressings and marinades.

Rich in monounsaturated fats, antioxidants, lutein, and vitamin E, avocado oil may be good for eye health and heart health, among other benefits. It has a very high smoking point, which makes it an ideal candidate for frying and high-heat cooking methods.

Canola

Sesame

Canola oil is made from crushed canola seeds and contains one of the highest amounts of alpha linolenic acid (ALA), an omega-3 fatty acid, than any other oil. ALA must be consumed in the diet because the body cannot make it on its own. This nutritional component is suggested to be cardioprotective and may decrease one’s risk for hypertension, high cholesterol, and inflammation. Due to its neutral flavor and high smoking point, this versatile ingredient is a great choice for baking, sautéing, and stir-frying.

Sesame oil can be made from either raw or toasted sesame seeds. Raw seeds result in a lighter color and more neutral flavor, while the end product of toasted seeds is a richer, nuttier taste and darker color. Nutritional benefits include polyunsaturated (heart healthy) fatty acids, antioxidants, vitamin E, and phytosterols. Research suggests that sesame oil may help reduce inflammation, prevent sun damage, and be cardioprotective. Sesame oil is a popular ingredient within Asian and Middle Eastern cuisines.

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TIDBITS

Reduce Blood Pressure with Yogurt

Coconut Solid at room temperature, coconut oil is mainly a saturated fat. Most health claims for coconut oil are based on the medium-chain triglycerides, which may be easier to digest due to their shorter chemical structure. Since coconut oil found in most stores has typically undergone processing, there are different opinions regarding its health benefits. However, it is also popularly used as a skincare product for facewash, moisturizer, makeup remover, hair conditioner, and more.

Elevated blood pressure is a common diagnosis as people age. An active lifestyle, balanced diet, and stress-relieving activities are all examples of behaviors that may help lower blood pressure. A new study suggests that eating yogurt on a daily basis may also be beneficial. The recent study, published in the International Dairy Journal, suggests that regularly eating a yogurt can help decrease blood pressure for the elderly population with high blood pressure. The study included 915 participants, with an average age of 62. Interestingly, those with healthy blood pressure levels did not see a decline when implementing the same habit.

FDA Aims to Reduce Sodium Levels among Commonly Consumed Foods Sodium intake among Americans is well above the recommended amounts for optimal health. High sodium consumption is related to high blood pressure, which may be a leading cause of heart attacks and strokes.

Walnut This ingredient includes many nutritional components such as vitamin K, vitamin E, selenium, choline, phosphorus, and zinc. Benefits may include heart health, improved memory, and healthier skin. It has a deep, nutty flavor, and because of its lower smoking point, walnut oil is best used raw such as for dressing a salad.

The main contributor toward sodium in the diet is not the saltshaker, but rather processed foods. The FDA is asking food manufacturers to voluntarily reduce the amount of sodium in their products by an average of 12 percent. Food categories include meats, cheeses, snack mixes, pickles, and chips, among others. It is speculated that making these changes will help prevent hundreds of thousands of deaths and illnesses over the next few years.

Esti Asher, MS, RDN, LD, is a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist and Self-Care Enthusiast on a mission to help women reach their ultimate health and wellbeing potential inside and out. She shares credible, clear, and inspiring nutrition information with women via her virtual private practice. To contact Esti with feedback or inquiries regarding her nutritional services, please email her at: esti@estiashernutrition.com or visit estiashernutrition.com.

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ENERGIZE y k l E h it Hi all,

Chanukah gatherings are fun and fabulous in many ways, but they’re generally not characterized by their healthy menus. (Well, it is Chanukah — what can we expect?) Still, I always add some healthful choices to my Chanukah party buffet. Here, I share two ideas for healthier dairy foods that are absolutely delicious as well as easy to serve.

Enjoy in health!

Elky Friedman

Recipes and Text by Elky Friedman Styling and Photography by Pessi Piller

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ENERGIZE

BROCCOLI CHEESE BITES



This easy recipe is a great option as a light vegetable side dish for your milchig meal. If you love the taste of broccoli and cheese together as I do, then you will definitely enjoy them. Plus, the bite-size servings are adorable to serve as part of a buffet spread for a party or anytime. And leftovers are great for lunch any day of the week.

1 24-oz bag broccoli florets ⅔ cup farmer cheese ¾ cup reduced-fat shredded mozzarella cheese 3 egg whites ½ tsp garlic powder ½ tsp onion powder ½ tsp salt dash pepper

Preheat oven to 350°F. Spray disposable muffin tins with cooking spray. Chop broccoli florets in a food processor, but not too finely. (You should have some finely ground pieces and also some chunks.) In a mixing bowl, combine chopped broccoli and remaining ingredients. Roll mixture into balls about the size of a large walnut and place into muffin cups. Bake uncovered for 30 minutes. Yields: 18 bites

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ENERGIZE

BAKED CHEESE LATKES

Chanukah brings latkes into the spotlight, but I’ve always tried to avoid them because of all that frying. Then I thought of cheese latkes, which can be high in protein, and wondered how they’d taste if I baked them. My very first oven trial yielded incredible results. My kids thought they tasted great and so did I. In my experience, farmer cheese is the only cheese that works since the patties must be thick and full of texture to hold together during baking. Farmer cheese is naturally low in fat, so that’s a great perk right there. Serve with natural jam or with a generous sprinkle of cinnamon. The kids will be begging for more!

3 cups farmer cheese 2 eggs 2 egg whites 1 cup white whole wheat flour ⅓ cup honey 1 tsp vanilla extract ½ tsp baking powder ¾ tsp salt

Preheat oven to 425°F. Prepare baking sheet by spraying liberally with cooking spray. Combine all ingredients. Form mixture into circle shapes about the size of your palm. Spray latkes with cooking spray. Bake for 8–10 minutes until golden brown. Yields: 18–20 latkes

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THIS MONTH

In the pages of Wellspring, we share expert advice from some of the community’s most popular and competent dietitians and nutritionists. In this column, you get to see how they practice what they preach in their own kitchens. Pull up a chair at “My Table” and join the chat.

HOW DO YOU OIL? What’s your favorite oil and why? And what’s one way you incorporate it into your cooking? With eight nights of Chanukah ahead, we can always use another fabulous oil-containing recipe!

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Avocado oil is my favorite, but sesame oil is a close second. I use toasted sesame oil in many dishes; a little flavor goes a long way. Here’s a recipe for a fabulous string bean side dish. The mirin and sesame oil give the string beans a delicious flavor. Toss fresh string beans in a wok with minced garlic, Himalayan salt, sesame oil, and 2–3 splashes of mirin. Sauté on high until desired consistency is achieved.

Dr. Rachael Schindler

Laura Shammah, MS, RDN

Compiled by Shiffy Friedman

My favorite oil is coconut oil because of its nutty, buttery taste and creaminess. I love air frying many different types of mushrooms and shallots with some coconut oil until crisp. Makes for a delicious side dish. Add chicken breast or even tofu for a really good pop-inthe-air-fryer meal.

Note to those who are trying to lose weight: Too much of even healthy foods isn’t either conducive to weight loss. A tablespoon of olive oil contains about 120 calories of fat, so be mindful of how much you drizzle into your dishes. Here’s a recipe for a high-fiber Italian pasta dish, perfect to be served at a Chanukah meal or party.

Tanya Rosen, MS, CPT

Shaindy Oberlander, BS, INHC

At the risk of sounding cliché, this is the season for olive oil, and olive oil truly is my oil of choice. I know that for some, the strong flavor is a turn-off, but my family and I do enjoy the flavor and distinct taste of unrefined extra-virgin olive oil. My real reason for using olive oil over other oils is its incredible health benefits. I enjoy using it for dressings, pastas, veggies, and just plain drizzled over salad.

My favorite oil is olive oil, specifically extra-virgin olive oil. It offers many health benefits, including being rich in healthy monounsaturated fats, having anti-inflammatory and antibacterial properties, and containing large amounts of antioxidants. I use olive oil in many foods such as a fresh salad, grilled chicken cutlets, fish, and even eggs. Sometimes when I’m already incorporating a healthy fat such as avocado, I use olive oil spray. Here’s a recipe that’s perfect for Chanukah and includes my favorite oil. Baked Cauliflower Latkes 2 Tbsp extra-virgin olive oil, divided 2 cups hot water 1– 1½ lbs cauliflower florets 2 large eggs

¼ cup olive oil

½ medium onion, finely chopped

1 shallot, diced

2 Tbsp whole wheat flour

¼ tsp salt, divided

½ tsp sea salt

4 Roma tomatoes, diced

¼ tsp garlic powder

4 cloves garlic, minced pinch of pepper

Preheat oven to 400°F.

1 handful pre-checked basil or 2 Tbsp dried basil

Line baking sheet with aluminum foil; brush foil with 1 tablespoon oil. Set aside.

1 12-oz bag Fiber Gourmet linguine (this brand’s pasta is actually made with fiber, resulting in a lower carb and higher fiber dish) Bring a large pot of water to a boil. Meanwhile, heat a skillet over medium heat. Add olive oil, shallots, and a pinch of salt and cook for 2 minutes. Add tomatoes, garlic, remaining salt, and pepper and cook for 7–10 minutes, until tomatoes are soft. Add more salt to taste if needed. Close heat and stir in chopped basil. Once water in the pot is boiling, add pasta and cook. When pasta is cooked, drain and add directly to skillet and toss with sauce. Serve at room temperature.

In a medium saucepan, bring water to a boil over medium-high heat. Place cauliflower in a steamer basket in the saucepan; steam for 4–7 minutes or until cauliflower is tender. Drain well. Dry with a paper towel. Place cauliflower in a large bowl and mash with a fork. Add eggs, onion, flour, salt, and garlic powder; mix well. Using a ¼-cup measuring cup, scoop mixture into patties and place on prepared baking sheet. Brush the tops evenly with the remaining tablespoon of oil; bake for 10 minutes. Flip latkes and bake for an additional 10 minutes or until crisp. Yield: 4–6 servings

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My favorite oil in terms of health is extra-virgin coconut oil. I use it instead of shortening or margarine in recipes where its coconut taste works well. Some of the benefits of coconut oil include reducing inflammation, boosting the immune system, improving digestive health, brain function, and memory, and increasing energy and endurance. It’s also more easily digested and quickly converted to energy, so I like to add a tablespoon to my smoothie. Coconut oil is also antibacterial, antiviral, and antifungal, so I also use it as a carrier oil for essential oils that are applied topically and for swishing around in the mouth in oil pulling. My favorite oil in terms of general use and cooking is avocado oil. It has many health benefits and has a high smoke point, making it a good option for both raw consumption as in salad dressings and homemade mayo, and for cooking. Here’s a recipe for a delicious coconut-chocolate bar that we really enjoy. This can be a great addition and alternative to other non-nutritious treats at your Chanukah party. Coconut-Chocolate Bars Source: Chocolate Covered Katie 3 cups shredded coconut ¼ cup coconut syrup or maple syrup (or stevia and add additional ¼ cup coconut oil to make up for liquid difference)

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½ cup melted coconut oil ½ tsp pure vanilla extract ¼ tsp salt 1½ cups chocolate chips (see tip) ⅓ cup almond or cashew butter (see note) Line an 8x8-inch baking pan with parchment paper. Combine the first 5 ingredients. Option 1: Blend ingredients in a food processor. Option 2: Mix everything by hand and increase the coconut oil to ⅔ cup so the mixture sticks together and is not crumbly. Spread two-thirds of mixture into baking pan. Press down well. Carefully melt chocolate, stir in nut butter, and spread over top of coconut mixture. Sprinkle remaining coconut mixture on top. Press down and refrigerate for 1 hour or until firm. Cut into bars and serve. Store in the fridge or freezer. Tip: You can use 100% chocolate chips and add your own sweetener. I use a mix of coconut syrup, coconut sugar, and stevia. Taste as you go along and sweeten accordingly. Note: To make this recipe nut free, omit nut butter and add additional chocolate chips or another ⅓ cup coconut oil or butter.

Esti Asher, MS, RDN, LD

Bashy Halberstam, INHC

MY TABLE

Olive and canola oil are the most commonly used oils in my kitchen. However, I love using sesame oil as well. A little can go a long way! Below is a recipe for a quinoa salad using sesame oil. Quinoa Salad Recipe adapted from: Two Peas and Their Pod 2 cups water 1 cup quinoa ¼ tsp salt 1 cup chopped red cabbage 1 cup shelled and cooked edamame 1 red bell pepper, chopped ½ cup shredded carrots 1 cup diced cucumber Dressing ¼ cup soy sauce or tamari sauce 1 Tbsp sesame oil 1 Tbsp rice vinegar 1 Tbsp sesame seeds salt and black pepper, to taste Place water, quinoa, and salt in a medium saucepan and bring to a boil over medium heat. Boil for 5 minutes. Lower heat and simmer for about 15 minutes, or until water is absorbed. Remove from heat and fluff with a fork. Place quinoa in a large bowl and add cabbage, edamame, red pepper, carrots, and cucumber. Set aside. In a small bowl, whisk together dressing ingredients. Pour dressing over quinoa salad and stir to combine.

Yaffi Lvova, RDN

My favorite go-to salad dressing is a combination of olive oil, vinegar (whichever I’m in the mood of: red wine, white wine, apple cider, etc.), salt, pepper, mustard, a bit of mayo, something sweet (sugar, honey, etc.), soy sauce (sometimes), and garlic (lots of powder or some frozen cubes). Our most recent favorite salad topping is Trader Joe’s Rolled Corn Tortilla Chips. It works with every salad — trust me!

I use canola spray oil most often, especially for frying. On Chanukah, I usually prepare delicious vegetable cutlets using sautéed celery root with egg whites and spices.

One oil? No way! Oil selection is all about flavor and smoke point. For roasting and salads, it’s olive oil. For frying, it’s avocado oil. And for baking, it’s traditional, delicious butter for me. If the meal is fleishig, I won’t be baking. Except challah, for which I use olive oil. I love making delicious homemade dressings by using this formula: 1 part olive oil 1 part acid (lemon or lime juice, vinegar, etc.) seasonings (to taste, about ¼–½ tsp) My current favorite is olive oil, apple cider vinegar, garlic, black pepper, a pinch of salt, and a drizzle of honey.

Shira Savit, MA, MHC, INHC

Gila Glassberg, RDN, Intuitive Eating Coach Shani Taub, CDC

I love olive oil most. I know it has a low smoke point so it really shouldn't be used for frying, but I still find it great in sautéing, roasting, and certainly salad dressings.

Avocado oil is my go-to oil in the kitchen. It has a neutral taste and is a healthy fat containing antioxidants, along with many other health benefits. What I love most about avocado oil is its high heat point, which makes it useful for sautéing, roasting, and grilling. I usually fry schnitzel in avocado oil and my kids can't tell the difference. My personal favorite way to incorporate avocado oil is in vegetable dishes. In the winter months, I enjoy roasting root vegetables (carrots, squash, onions, beets, garlic) drizzled with avocado oil and sprinkled with salt and pepper to taste. I roast the veggies in the oven on a high temperature (around 425°F) for about 30 minutes. I usually mix them while they’re cooking so they cook evenly. I highly recommend this dish; it's easy, colorful, flavorful, and healthy. It just might balance out those donuts!

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HEART.WORKS

MY TABLE

Have your Soup and Supper too. Super-simple to pack and prep, Knorr Instant Soup Packets are flavorful and authentic. Perfect for an instant tide-me-over, pick-me-up, or nutritious snack, they’ve just the right amount of pep to keep you fueled on the go, on the job, and beyond.

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We'rieng workit! on

RANDOM

Age: 64

Questions for

Hinda D.

Location: Toms River, New Jersey Occupation: Receptionist at Doctor’s Office Family: 7 kids

(makes an excellent snack)

One misconception I used

Yoga (I’m one of those who can do the flexible poses — even at my age! It pays to start young…)

to have about health:

That it gets harder to maintain a healthy lifestyle over time. Rather, the truth is that old habits die hard. If you get used to living a certain way, you’ll keep living like that, b’ezras Hashem. Nowadays, I have more time to prepare a good, hearty stir-fry as our dinner for two!

One interesting thing I’ve learned about health: That it’s all worth it to pay attention to how we live. I feel like I’m in my 20s, baruch Hashem!

Healthy supper in a pinch:

One food I avoid at all costs Well, it’s an ingredient. I’d call it a non-food: high-fructose corn syrup. Sauté frozen stir-fry mix with cubed cutlets, then top with sweet potato cubes (always keep ‘em handy in the fridge). If I’m even shorter on time or don’t have cutlets on hand, I’ll throw in a handful of walnuts as the protein.

Don’t sweat the small details (in any area of life!).

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To answer these questions for an upcoming issue, please write to info@wellspringmagazine.com, subject title “Random.”

My favorite health food:

My favorite exercise

Toasted edamame

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